It was already raining, but your own self-made raindrops were really the reason your face was so wet. Your eyelashes were clumped together, and it felt like there were tiny salts in your eyes. They burned.
"Crying shouldn't be legal," you pity yourself; "it's so weak and opens your eyes to too much; we'd do no good with it, and even better without it." You shake your head, placing your hand on the door knob. You blink, and there she lay, eyes closed, pale against the whispers.
"Baby," you whisper, "did you get enough calcium today? Your face is looking quite sickly. Of course, you've always looked that pale, even when you were alive."
There it was again; the truth. It hit you hard like God was throwing apples at you and your begin to create your own personal rain again. Someone was holding you, but it smelt nothing like her. Nothing.
You've got to pick yourself up, you tell yourself, get up . . . You just couldn't give up, you just couldn't.
And so you pull yourself from the warmth, placing your hand on her cold, unresponsive hand.
"I know you'd like me to move on, but that would be like saying my love for you was a fire, and being a fire my love would be subject to burn and fade away. And well Baby, my love isn't going to fade away."
You sigh. This was harder than you thought, saying goodbye. And you say, finally, with a sigh in your breath, "I'm a hopeless romantic with nothing left to say."
My God! This is one intresting entry that I'm very grateful I stummbled upon!
What I like about your writting is that you say it is prose, but in essence, it's still like well thought out poetry. Also, your two beginning stanzas were totally gripping and set the mood in just right! Finally, I also liked how it was one moment after another, instead of a poem was just one idea. This one truly stands out and I give you (sadly, I can't go higher) a 5/5!
this is most certainly not what i expected. however that isn't say that it was bad, i did really like it, but it seemed slightly odd, or atleast compared to what i have read on this site. a very good write, my fav stanzas are the first and last.
a cold poem, but absolutely not dreary. i'm not too sure how i can really critique this poem, perhaps more structure to it? although that is probably just the way you write, which means don't change. lol.
a fantastic write though, the story wasn't overly in depth but just the right amount. the words used were used well and in perfect context with the feelings you were trying to achieve. all in all, an awesome write, 5/5