Shell of Darkness

by DarkLight   Feb 2, 2015


In the emptiness of life
My heart sadly lives
In the tip of a knife
My thoughts weave
Broken from the bottom
Into million of pieces I shatter
And with light I will rise like phantom
Surely my past has nothing on me to matter
And the future is mine to carve
In thy presence I will kneel
My heart please fill with love.

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  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    In the emptiness of life
    My heart sadly lives
    In the tip of a knife

    ^^These lines shows the reader the agony/pain you are standing upon. Life's been placed on the tip of a knife and one false move it can rip it or end it! A delicate situation is presented here to the reader.

    My thoughts weaves
    Broken from the bottom

    ^^It will be better to remove the "s" from the word weaves and place a comma after it so it will read smoothly.

    Into million of pieces I shutter

    ^^Did you mean shatter...?

    And the future is mine to curve

    ^^I was thinking about this line. Did you mean "the future is mine to carve" You have used the word curve and that gave me a picture of how its in your hands on what the future should be. Its your decision, its your life.

    In thy presence I will kneel
    My heart please fill with love.

    ^^The ending here portrays how you yearn to see, help and look upon others with love so you can help them-at least that is what I feel with this line.

    All in all a very delicate, touching write filled with a sadness that cannot be healed...take care.

    • 9 years ago

      by DarkLight

      @Meena, I will correct the mistakes. Thanks.