Rage

???�?�¢??- you need to remove this it destroys the poem.

firstly this poem, completely freaked me out, the metaphors were so strong and thje imagery used i felt kinda sick, but to be able to do this to a reader of your poetry is a skill.. that you my dear possess, and it is a great skill.

the words, they were i don't actually no what to say to tell you the truth. to look at this subject from the rapists point of view, was incrediable unique, it was so dark and sickening. the lanuage is alot more advance in this wirte than the one before.

She bites off her skin and vomits her hate in me.
- really i must say that over the past years of being on this site, this really has to be a line from a poem that will stick in my head probally until the say i die.

i stand and applaud you.

5/5 with out a doubt.

Omg i love this soooooo much =p

This is my favorite one of yours. It great!

First of all, I really loved how you wrote this like you were talking to the reader. It really draws them in and make them feel like they're apart of the story being told.

Have you ever met rage?
If not, please step into my soul,
I shall introduce you to her personally,
For it is there where she resides.
She lies curled uninvitingly

^^ That was such a strong beginning. It's my most favorite part in the whole poem. :]

She hides her face with her long, straight, black hair,

^^ This line kind of kills it. I think you could fix it really easily though. What I would suggest is using better descriptive words like maybe, sin colored hair? Twilight colored hair? Try being unique.

With only her lips and pale, dead, white skin visible.

^^ Same thing with this line, better descriptions. I did, however, like the word dead, but maybe white could be pastey? Just keep in mind that these are all just suggestions. It's your poem and if you don't like the suggestions, don't change the poem.

I once saw her eyes, black and burning, charcoaling.

^^ Loved the word "charcoaling". :]

To revenge my murdered childhood through the tearing of flesh.

^^ This really gives the reader a glimpse of what exactly is going on. I find it's more pleasureable to read poems that describe everything that happens, but doesn't come right out and say it. [Again, this is just my opinion. Other people could like the bluntness.]

She bites off her skin and vomits her hate in me.

^^ I LOVED this line. I don't even know why. I just do. :]

Blindness overcomes me and I no longer know me.

^^ It would sound [much] better if you'd take out one of the "me's".

I am the serial killer, the rapist,
And I resolve my rage only with the world that gave it to me.

^^ That was a really great ending. It pulls the whole poem together.

So, you did really good with the beginning and ending, and those are the most important parts in a poem. The middle could use a little work, but it's not [horrible]. I'm glad you suggested this poem to me. I really did enjoy reading it, and I hope my suggestions help and I wasn't too harsh. >.<

Great job!

Keep writing!
Cayce

Have you ever met rage?
If not, please step into my soul,

Introducing an emotion is a clever and captivating. It is almost like this particular emotion is alive and has its own mind. And dare I say spirit? A split personality? Rather like David Banner and his mirrored alter ego! As long as 'she' keeps calm 'she' won't turn green! An intriguing opening! And you continue..

She hides her face with her long, straight, black hair,
With only her lips and pale, dead, white skin visible.

This is clearly a poem about suppressed 'rage'. It is about how the memories of a traumatic event, such as rape and the pent up frustrations. This is about the continued feelings of pain, guilt, shame and terror re-lived over many years.
Time does not heal, the mind has to except the event for what it was and move on with renewed strength. Well, if you are lucky!

As with many traumatic events the frustrated ‘rage’ has to surface sooner or later. Much like a boiling pot spilling over! So, onto this section –

I once saw her eyes, black and burning, charcoaling.
I saw in them an insatiable craving for blood,
To revenge my murdered childhood through the tearing of flesh.
But she is not my friend; she is my demise, her, who I aim to suppress,

Self-harming, is an obvious symptom of suppressed rage and one that can be hidden away, or can be a cry for help. You continue to describe the tormented battle of trying to lock the ‘rage’ away. This next section, especially the first line, is a wonderful way to describe the pain and self loathing.

She bites off her skin and vomits her hate in me.

This final section hits home a powerful message, a surprise too!. The victim has not been able to avenge the rapist, so now turns all the rage into another emotion – hate. Not hate directly for the rapist but for them self and then finally revenge onto the world as a serial killer. The ‘rage’ has come around full circle. Rage kills again!!

I see myself, the loveless child who will, deservingly, die alone.
I am the serial killer, the rapist,
And I resolve my rage only with the world that gave it to me.

Writing about an awful act such as rape is a challenge in itself, but to explore the 'ripple effect' that occurs long after the physical trauma is gone, is quite another.
Thank you for pointing me in your direction. A great piece of writing. 5/5

Michael