I am the winter

by ShootingStar179   Mar 19, 2008


The snow falls outside my window,
Fierce winds pelt the sides of my empty home,
I suddenly realize that I can relate to this ice covered abyss,
I am the winter.

I am the twig,
Always stepped on,
Disregarded,
Forgotten as I break under pressure.

I am the rose,
Once blooming passionate red,
Frozen by angry storms,
Tyrants to my love.

I am the tree,
Still yet strong,
My ends will break,
Yet, I am silent to the pain.

My smiles reviled,
Loving attitude ignored,
For whoever loved something dead,
Awakened by sun to live again.

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  • 13 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    The snow falls outside my window,
    Fierce winds pelt the sides of my empty home,

    *I love this line. The imagery there is flawless. One thing I would do is break down the line. The length of it really messes up your flow. I'd make it smaller. Maybe break it into two lines.*

    I suddenly realize that I can relate to this ice covered abyss,

    *Same thing here. I'd break these lines down*

    I am the winter.

    I am the twig,
    Always stepped on,
    Disregarded,
    Forgotten as I break under pressure.

    *I love this stanza. The way you describe the twig is amazing. I can imagine a twig being stepped on and no one caring about it, that's brillant. *

    I am the rose,
    Once blooming passionate red,

    *I'd add an "a" after blooming. That way it sounds more complete. Beautiful imagery though*

    Frozen by angry storms,
    Tyrants to my love.

    *Love that last line. Very clever :) *

    I am the tree,
    Still yet strong,

    *I don't really understand this line, it seem kind or random. Maybe " Steady and strong" or something like that.*

    My ends will break,

    *I'd change this to "my braches will break" that way you relate to the tree more*

    Yet, I am silent to the pain.

    My smiles reviled,
    Loving attitude ignored,
    For whoever loved something dead,
    Awakened by sun to live again.

    *I like you're ending. but it doesn't seem to fit here. I'd maybe reword the ending so your idea is finished. I think you had some amazing ideas. Overall this was really good. Just work on your ending some. Nik

  • 14 years ago

    by Cindy

    Courtney
    What a sad and touching piece. I enjoyed reading this.

    I am the tree,
    Still yet strong,
    My ends will break,
    Yet, I am silent to the pain.

    This stanza really caught my attention. Just loved it. My ends will break
    Yet, I am silent to the pain. So many times when we are hurting we suffer in silence.
    Great job!
    Love Cindy

  • 14 years ago

    by Aaron Deevers

    I am the rose,
    Once blooming passionate red,
    Frozen by angry storms,

    I love how you take a beautiful creation as a Rose and then use a storm to cover it up in ice. In a way it's like a heart being covered in pain over the years, love it.

  • 14 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Courtney,

    Oh, I so love these kind of poems.....the imagery is so beautiful!
    Thanks for sharing!

    hugs,

    5/5 Ingrid