Charlie and Mary Jane

I luved it

The last line is lovely and gives the poem an extra punch. A very creative writing. Really liked it a lot!

I normally can't stand to read rhyming poems on here, but this one managed to pull off a strict rhythm and rhyme while still maintaining a sense of sophistication.

I really enjoyed the first two lines - they catch the attention and are intriguing enough to keep you reading. After reading the whole poem again, though, I'm a bit confused. It seems like the descriptions of "last," on one hand, and "burn" on the other are meant to set the tone for the exchange that continues for the rest of the poem. But it almost seems like the "burning" character would fit more with the descriptions of tantrums, dancing, rushing, while "lasting" would fit with waiting, reclining, etc. Maybe you have a different way of looking at it?

The only possible technical thing that I would maybe suggest would be the changing of "reclined" to "reclining." This is up to preference, but "reclined" seems to bring a little halt to a rhythm that is otherwise flawless. "Reclining" would keep the words rolling, because you can move straight from that into "sofa," whereas "reclined" requires a bit of a pause. What do you think?

I really did like this poem. I ought to read more of yours. : )

Ooo i like this one

To add to what DarkSpirit said it has a very captivating atmosphere and it's rhythm is...it flows in the way that her dancing is portrayed. I, too enjoyed reading it. I look foreward to reading more...