Risen From The Ashes

Yes, this is amazeing by far xDDD 5/5 my friend great job

if you wish to comment me back, please comment mary mary or jack and jill, ether or, or even both ^^ thank you for your time

Yes, this is amazeing by far xDDD 5/5 my friend great job

if you wish to comment me back, please comment mary mary or jack and jill, ether or, or even both ^^ thank you for your time

I have picked apart your poem

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I stare in your vacant eyes,
trying to hold my ground,
fear taking over my heart,
only the cold wind makes sound.
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I think that you should try and put
"trying to hold my own ground"
and
"only the cold wind makes a sound"
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darkness all around,
i see the nothingness inside,
nothing but blackness,
the hell where love dies.
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Love the description of what you are talking about "the hell where love dies"
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i hold my ground,
you give a wicked smirk,
i will not fall this time,
too many times ive been hurt.
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i think there could have been a simile here maybe i am wrong i just feel there should be one
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rage builds up inside,
memories haunt me from within,
i start shaking with anger,
but i will not let you win.
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try "I start to shake with anger"
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i glance at the blade...
so tempting to take,
i see you smiling sinfully,
u wish my life to waste..
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now i know poems can be all different types but your grammar should always remain the same "u" really should be spelt out especially because this is an intense poem so you dont want to abbreviate anything
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your words spoken so soft,
"give in Kyle, go take the blade"
he steps closer to me whispering,
"give into fear and hate"
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i think it should be
"give into fear and into hate"
just because of the syllable count it kind of sounds weird when you read this stanza
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deep down i scream,
my heart lets out a mighty roar,
the darkness shatters,
i see you fallen to the floor.
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i like the use of "mighty roar"
and "the darkness shatters"
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i stand over you,
my strength smiles inside,
love is the power,
my demons have all died.
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I really dont have much to say about this one
I just really liked this stanza
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my wings regrow,
and i cast you into hell,
this is my story of hope,
when my old self fell.
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what do you mean by "wings regrow" sorry just confused by that one
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reborn from the ashes,
the world i am ready to face,
i have a purpose here,
my life is no longer to waste........
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"a waste" sounds better then "to waste" because you are saying that you have a purpose so basically your life isnt just a waste of one
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i have risen from the ashes............

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and of course the ending................
LOVE IT
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Wonderful write...
I like the positive vibes reflected by your poem..

"nothing but blackness,
the hell where love dies."

^^very well written..

"my wings regrow,
and i cast you into hell,
this is my story of hope,
when my old self fell.

reborn from the ashes,
the world i am ready to face,
i have a purpose here,
my life is no longer to waste........

i have risen from the ashes............"

^^these are my fav lines...i realy like the positive attitude...so beautifully
explained....the imagery is perfect...

"my life is no longer to waste........

i have risen from the ashes............"

^^ wow... brilliant lines...

Excellent write...

A line that ruined the flow
"only the cold wind makes sound."
A suggestion. Maybe change it to...
"As the cold wind makes its sound"

Alright.
I wasn't very interested in this poem.
Because... well, at first I thought it was going to be about self-pain.
But... I just got confused at the end.
Maybe you can make the end clearer?

:]