Upside down ((let me forget))

by StandStill   May 20, 2008


Hang off the edge of the bed,
look at the world in a topsey-turvey way
blood pounding in my temples
lets me forget the weariness of the day

Thump-thump, i can hear my heart,
i can hear my heart inside my head
hoping that it will drown out my thoughts,
it just amplifies them instead

Take in a deep breath to control the flow,
control the flow of these tears
hanging upside down i get to forget,
and forgetting means i don't have any fears

But eventually my eyes are swimming
and I can't see anything but dots
I pull up through this wall of gravity
back into this hated spot

Dizzyness keeps me down for a moment,
but i have to be strong, face my fears
blood drains away back into my heart
and once again i can feel these hot tears

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  • 15 years ago

    by Void

    Hmm. I just read it again, and only now realized the rhyme scheme... I didn't really notice it before, and I think that might have been due to my concentration on meaning as well as lack of steady beat. (I do apologize if that sounds harsh, or if I come back here later and find the beat I am missing now.) Though now that I'm back here leaving a comment, I was just wondering how important the rhyming is to you? Do you think it made the poem? Is it the reason you might be proud of the poem?... I ask because, for the meaning it isn't necissary, though it is impressive to see sometimes... I just wish I really noticed it the first time 'round...If it's that important to you and/or the poem, I would love to see it stand out more. Be stronger and more noticeable...
    ...On second thought, I may just be able to appreciate the subtlety all the same... Hmm...

  • 15 years ago

    by Void

    Wow. If I'm going to be completely honest with you, if this were a poem about cutting I would probably appreciate it alot less than I do. Which I realize now is kind of silly, because on the whole, doing something so random to help forget a memory - to block all that was hurting you once before -is a great thing to write about. We all have our things, and I guess the cutters around here use self destruction for their own 'temporary healing'... (Mind you, I still will never encourage it.)...
    But yes, anyways... I really like the story of what you've got here. I would love it more if you're 'i's were capitolized and didn't stare at me everytime I read past one; however, it gave me a great idea for my own poem, that hopefully will be done soon. So I will not complain too loud. ;) *I do enforce the use of good grammar on alot of poetry though - it's much less distracting.

    Believe it or not, I've actually hung upside down to try and take myself away from my own reality. I've done many things like that (not cutting) and I'm sure so have many others. For that reason, it's so easy to connect to. Pain, is always easy to connect to - and tears are usually the very fibre of the rope that connects all of us. It's common and understandable, whether you love to cry or hate to cry, never cry or always cry.
    I don't really have any constructive criticism beyond the 'i's but I really just wanted to stop by and tell you that I really enjoyed this poem. Not only that but it inspired me. Well done.

  • 15 years ago

    by CalGirl

    I love this stanza:

    Take in a deep breath to control the flow,
    control the flow of these tears
    hanging upside down i get to forget,
    and forgetting means i don't have any fears

    I know I already told you, but I just can't grasp how impossibly good it is!

    I can totally FEEL what you're saying,
    and I feel the same way about Kyle right now.

  • 15 years ago

    by CalGirl

    I love it gabs!

    My fav stanza:

    Take in a deep breath to control the flow,
    control the flow of these tears
    hanging upside down i get to forget,
    and forgetting means i don't have any fears

    I can't believe you wrote it!
    It's so amazing!
    It seems like something out of this world.
    You should totally get it like published or something.
    You and jesse are the greatest poets I have seen in my life.
    (And that's including Edgar Allen Poe and Shakespeare)
    I miss you!
    I wish you were here with me!
    I've got so much to tell you!
    But anyway,
    keep writing those poems,
    and dont forget me!
    Yours always,
    Sophie

  • 15 years ago

    by she

    Aww sad poem, don't cry gabby
    good flow

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