You hurt yourself, but you hurt me more
I cried so much my heart completely tore
I felt it burning, and thought I was dying
I can't believe you left me here crying
I miss you baby, more than you know
I pray everyday that they let you go
You don't need to be there, I know you don't
I told you I would leave you, but I won't
"it has a very nice flow, and deep emotions, the ryhtm is very good the first 3 lines, but a bit hard to say the last line with the rythm, I had to do it twice, I must be a bad musician or something, cause after second try, i noticed that the commas did me a favour."
I'm waiting for your return, I'm waiting for you
I can't leave no matter what you put me through
I'm spending my life with you, everyone knows
When I'm in your arms, my face glows
"Once again deep emotions, a bit challenging with all the "I'm and I's", and the last line just need a word between my face and glows, maybe you want it that way?"
I'll never let you go, I'll hold you tight
Once your out I will be out of fright
When I hear your voice I feel more alive
Your the one that makes me survive
"Great flow, all lines has rythm, and makes it all clear and "easy" to read. Rythm for me is very important when reading a poem, makes you feel with the poem.
The last line, very great and very deep. Makes me realize that the person you are talking about meens so much to you, that death is waiting for you, if he won't come back."
I hope you know I want you home
All I can do is cry and roam
I don't know how to live without you
Please come back before my time is through.
"it's a bit rough, "you and through", it's good when only these two words, but in this poem, it's rather hard to notice the flow in the last two lines, I think the third line is the enemy here, it just don't really fit with the other three, though still the line is needed to complete the poem.
"All in all my friend, the rythm is a little rough, but with all the feelings you have put in the poem, it doesn't really matter.
a poem you need rythm, to just slide through, like lyrics in a song. But on the other hand, poem can be experenced in all other ways, thats why I can only tell you my opinion, because no matter what it's a deep emotional poem, with good flow."
Truly emotional from the beginning to the end. Personally, I prefer more metaphorical poetry but I think that you wrote this piece really well, it is filled with raw, touching feelings and it sounds like it came straight from the heart. You should consider using less filler words like "I" or "you" within poems (that would make them flow better). You did nice job with rhymes but some of them are a bit overused, but you managed to create good rhythm. All in all, this is very heartfelt poem.