Growth Spurt

The good old days, hehe. i kind of think i may have grown up too fast after reading this piece. it was amazingly written and i'm sure that a lot of people can relate to it.

Instead of overlooking these moments,
Keep in mind, one will desire these back.
Yearning the days hadn't been so quick,
Reliving the old family pack.
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
the word "yearning" kind of threw me off here. i really don't think that it was the right word to put here. maybe "wishing" could have been a better word but that's just me and i understand what you're saying in the line anyway. it really is a touching piece that made me think

5/5

Keep Writing, lovely
As Always,
~NinjaGirl~

Children that consider themselves
Prepared on grasping maturity,
Do not completely apprehend
They're surrendering their purity
-this part tells that children nowadays, wanted to grow old quickly because they think they could handle themselves, but it's only what they think.

Chastity missing, innocence gone;
Longing for the days that passed by.
An unfamiliar realm will be seen.
The Youth World Destruction draws nigh.
-and because children wanted to grow old quickly, their innocences is gone, they become aware of the cruel world we have, and sometimes they become a part of it

Ones that are set to abandon childhood,
Will not be capable to start anew.
Adulthood is responsibility.
Bid farewell to the life once knew.
-they are not aware that once they entered adulthood, they would experience much pressure and responsibilities that they thought they could handle..

These are some wonderful periods,
The moment to spend with the household.
For before one knows it, they'll be gone.
Leaving the childhood to grow old.
- when they're young they wanna get old in instant, and when they're old they wanna go back childhood because they were not able to do the things a child should be doing.. and they regret the times they lost..

Instead of overlooking these moments,
Keep in mind, one will desire these back.
Yearning the days hadn't been so quick,
Reliving the old family pack.
- as I have said before, they would miss the times of happiness and joy of childhood in their life and never get it back and will lead to realizing they should enjoyed time preciously..

well.. it was over all a good poem.. great job!!!5/5

Aww, luckily I'm not old enough to miss my childhood yet! I don't think it flowed very well, but I adored the words and imagery that you used.

They're surrendering purity.
`It actually sounds better to me to have a "their" before purity, but *shrugs. I guess it depends on how you read it.

I absolutely adore your third stanza; it speaks a group of words so true.

Overall, I feel like it lacked creativity ... It's like the feeling of missing your childhood was there, but it was deep within the piece and you didn't quite get it through, y'know? I like the message -- it's a blatant way to speak of childhood disappearing and purity dissintegrating (forgive me if I spelled that wrong), but it didn't really appeal to me.

It wasn't horrible -- not at all. It was actually quite good, but it just didn't really hit any emotions and the majority was bland to me. Though, your choice of diction is good.
..__MiNDYY

Wow...I miss the good old days too! No worries, no troubles! Excellent work! You grabbed my attention and my imagination!