Finding The Good Within The Bad.

Find the joy beyond the pain.
`it started flowing smoothly until it hit that line. It was too abrupt; too short and I found it rather cliche.

that life is truly abundant of joy.
`you used joy again. That bothers me, especially since it's so early in the piece. Try using a different word.

Your syllabication in this piece stumbled quite a bit. I was actually disappointed. You flow was all over the place, because some lines were long but fit, and then suddenly there's a sudden stop from a shorter line.

I feel like when you're writing a piece that's meant to be optimistic, it's better not to use any form of that word within the piece. Everything was too straightforward, and I didn't really get any metaphors from it. The only image I got really was someone trying to get through life with a strained smile, while inside they're molding and behind them is a mocking ray of sun shining on an ugly path.

You opened with a direct message, and that's great, and your ending concluded but the in-between was just ... mushy. It wasn't amazing; it wasn't horrible, but it didn't really grasp my full attention either.

I hope that you'll go through this and edit more, because I know you can do better--I've seen you write amazing.

..__MiNDYY

I did not like the repetition and the poem did not seem to have a specific rhythm or flow. I see the message you were trying to convey but it seemed more like a cliche lined letter of intended motivation. I think some tweaking would help.

Wow what a lesson for life. I believe your poem applies to the whole of mankind. The words seemed so natural n flowing so wel that I kept on reading like a knife thru butter.

Loved every bit of.

tc
Fsams

This was a very inspirational poem, and i loved the vocabulary you used. you got your message across well.

"Affray through the anguish and you will see,
that life is truly abundant of joy."

i think that many of us (myself included) tend to only focus on the bad in life. i like how u put that line in there to remind that there is lots of joy in the world.

excellent job, 5/5.

I love all these words =D Totally nice poem! I was feeling a bit down just right now.. but it made me think about it too.. and you're right =]

xxx