The Great Escape

"Take my hand and lead me away,
we'll go forth to a place with no disarray.

We'll seek for that land away from here.

From this world in which we stand,
beauty reigns no more but man."

Powerful opening, I like the rhyming, it is very effective.

"This hideous creature that longs for nothing
nothing but its own happiness and contentment."

Good descriptions, your words speak such truth.

"So..."

Didn't like the usage of "so" here, I found it just didn't fit in.

"Where to? Where now?
As we run away down this street, away from them"

Delete the first "away" in the second line and it will read smoother.

"where will we both end up?
Will we be able to get away?"

Didn't like the repeat of "away" here but otherwise nice job so far.

"I turn my head around in a frantic hunt,
everywhere I look, everything I see,
nothing changed, everything is the same.

The same cemented streets,
the same beady, bloodshot eyes,
Making me continue to look about in fear,

In this great fear of never escaping."

Wow, a very entrancing and thought-provoking ending that really struck me. You have much talent, never give up your gift that God have given you.

Well-expressed, the descriptions, especially at the end were so real. Take care and God bless you, Child of God!

~MaryAnne

Really great poem, 5/5