Show Me The Light.

What be a life without dreams and the urge that hope to make such dreams come true..

Lovely write, Keep it up

"Search for that beautiful smile that used to shine."

that line stroke me like lightning , i am in search with ya ,

great work ,
i enjoy it more if the rhyming will be more

Very emotional. Of course, I've noticed that you are very good at inputting emotions into your poems so I really shouldn't be surprised. I though you wrote a good poem, not your best, but you have so many that it would be a tough feat for you. Dark, sad, maybe happiness at the end? Good job. Keep it up!

I liked your first stanza but than the transition seemed kinda off. The 2nd to third stanza was kinda rough. You really have nice lines but they just didnt connect for me. however i mean no insult to you. Hope my comment helped

Temps,

This is really quite a different poem from you, it has your style written all over it but for some reason your word choice in some parts of this piece really hit me and i'm not sure exactly why. Your poetry has improved alot and I really enjoyed reading this piece.

Most people say that reading about teen love ect is cliche, and i'll admit we do read alot of cliche love poems and heart brake on this site don't we? but this piece was far from one and i'm really happy about that. For some reason you strayed away from it and created a piece which could be portrayed as not being a love poem at all. Your heart could of been broken by someone else that was a male which you loved but not in that way if you get what I mean. I'm sure many people can relate to this piece one way or another and I definitly did.

Wake me up from this never-ending dream-
of the excruciating pain of heartbreak.
Wash away all the poisonous thoughts of him-
before they end up killing me inside.

I liked some of the word choice you used here. poisonous, excruciating ect it created such a dark feeling over the atmosphere. Like your mind state was in a gloomy place.
Some words I wasn't some keen on like killing ect but that's just personal opinion. I thought maybe you could use some different word choice in some sections but everyone writes differently and I understand how hard it can be to put words together and make it flow nicely whilst having emotion.

I did like the emotions which you created within this poem, they were dark, deep and powerful. Definitly true feelings. I felt as though this was a real poem I was reading straight from the heart and even if it wasn't you made it believable.

Well done a good read.

~Mel