That Tragic Day

by BREEawNUHH   Aug 26, 2008


*This poem stemmed from something I witnessed today. A car accident. Read the poem, it'll tell you what happened.*

I heard your car speed past my house,
and I wondered what made such a noise.
I saw nothing, just a cloud of dirt and rocks,
but in my head I heard the cries of three boys.

Walking down the street, I saw the car,
and I was frozen in complete shock.
Could this be real, what I was looking at,
two of the three laying on the sidewalk.

One of them was thrown from the car,
and he was being lifted into the ambulance.
I heard the cries of the boys parents,
even from the very great distance.

The cops were saying that drugs were to blame,
and I had to keep myself from falling down.
Standing there in silence, all I could see,
was the alcohol bottles that they found.

The windshield had been completely shattered,
from the impact when they hit the fence.
I kept wondering if they'd be alright,
but I just couldn't stand the suspense.

It's been a few hours, and I can't stop crying,
why did they have to drive too fast?
I can only hope those boys will be okay,
and that this can all be put in the past.

Briana Coulter
08.26.08

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  • 15 years ago

    by Deana

    I heard your car speed past my house,
    and I wondered what made such a noise.
    I saw nothing, just a cloud of dirt and rocks,
    but in my head I heard the cries of three boys.

    I enjoyed the way you start this as a story with a beginning ,it makes it clear to the reader what is happening.

    It's been a few hours, and I can't stop crying,
    why did they have to drive too fast?
    I can only hope those boys will be okay,
    and that this can all be put in the past.

    I liked the way you ended this by showing the pure emotions that you felt by witnessing such an event.
    The rhymes were good and it flowed well.An excellent job.

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This whole poem gave me goosebumps. I could feel every little emotion you were feeling as you walked down the sidewalk to see what was going on. I could only imagine the impact that it made on you to actually witness it happening in real life. This was written kind of like a short sad story, but I thought you did a great job with the emotions and portraying a really sad image in my mind of the car accident. Well done. 5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by The Angel of Secrets

    The cops were saying that drugs were to blame,
    and I had to keep myself from falling down.
    Standing there in silence, all I could see,
    was the alcohol bottles that they found.

    ^^ I love this stanza, it was just really honest and it felt very naturally written.

    There are some things I didn't like: the rhymes ambulance - distance. It sort of messed up the whole flow.

    I really do like the poem, although, the ending seemed a little forced to me. I had expected more feelings, and more than just "i hope this will be put in the past" sort of line.

    Overall impression: great poem.

    The Angel of Secrets

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