My Heart Blinds My Eyes

I realize nothing's capatalized, but i like it that way. don't critize because of the structure; actually read it.

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I don't even care about the cold
just sitting, smoking a cigarette,
knowing the world is much more a better place than it's people.
more beautiful; it can harm you, kill you even, but it never means to and always apologizes later.
it comforts me; wraps me in a black blanket of stars
and pushes me to reasoning.

lost? i'd never have known the defination if it wasn't for love.
but we all grow older, wiser, and learn that falling is just tripping
and everyone always catches themselves when they trip.
you just have to be strong, live, and breathe with the want to survive.

i've come to believe - what are those wise words i once uttered?
they're lost to me now, but i know and believe a lot.
you just have to learn
to lock it in a box, that no one will be able to penetrate.
build walls to sour the sweetness you once had - it's called apethetic;
the innonsense we all had at birth; no one is born innocent, for living is our sin.

i go back and forth,
believing each and everyone is a friend, a companion to hold on to.
but in the end, are they really there?
so everyone says, but what happens when the entire world crumples beneath our feet
and we trip - not fall, for we are the strong that never fall - and the ones believed to be there
are still in their own world, saying little things to try to make you think they care, but really, you know they're too busy.
or don't even mean it.

what then, is this world coming to? a bit of irony, i'd say.
each of us is lost in ourselves and we can't save each other.
i, personally, want the innocense of child hood flapping my wings;
i want to remember the pain of falling on my knees, not from an emotional breakdown,
but from the fact that i tripped over my own shoes.

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i've grown so much with the instince that i'm stronger than i've ever been.
and you can believe that, or you can shrug and say i'm not over you,
but boy, you're locked away, nice and tightly, in a box i promise never to open.
the point is, however, that i think a breaking point is beyond what could ever happen;
they won't see me break (like they so very much want me to).

i've also come to realize, we often mistake failure for a weakness of the heart.
it's always about love, isn't it? the way we set ourselves up for a failure we can't handle.
and we promise ourselves, we're not scared of death, because there's no reason to be terrified.
yet, how unfair life is, that we battle for everything our will desires, and in the end, evitably, we register as dead.
yet again, how the world is an ironic place.

hm, i suppose some of this may not make sense, but in my mind, i understand it all.
it's not all about him, nor is most of it;
it's just another failure of the heart we have to learn to accept.
i've learned to accept it, but when the good times go bad for no reason, what is there to except?
"it can only go up from here, once you've hit rock bottom," they whisper in my ear at night.
but, is it true? or, could we possibly dig ourselves deeper into the concrete, smashing our head to a bloodened plup.

we question these things, but we never get the answers deserved.

such friends; one day, you know their there
the next
there gone, like the snow melting during spring.
it's sad, the way you bounce back and forth between "best friends"
never knowing...
who's always going to be there.

i'm in a rock and a hard place, as they would
trusting no one but myself,
and barely even that.
i mean, who am i to tell myself what to do? my heart blinds my eyes.