Silence...

"Silence...

Playing tricks on the mind
Heartbeat quickens
Quietness drowning the beats

Silence..."

^How you illustrated silence in this segment is brilliant, albeit intense. You really captured the image of a person losing his mind! =]

With the details, the visual effects, and the nighttime experienced by most, if not all, people, this poem is really grooving!

-Debbs

"Never been so deafening
Growing harsher and louder
Ears are ringing"

SECOND LINE: I think it's too much. In order to give the line/stanza/POEM what it needs Id suggest doing something like;

[Never been so deafening
Growing harsher ... louder
Ears are ringing]
(You could even make it a four lined stanza - which I realize wouldn't fit as well with the pattern you have but.. it would give it that longing, which I think sets in there and is needed more oomph-ized.

OR

[Never been so deafening
Growing harsher, louder
Ears are ringing]

"It's taking over
Sweat starts beading
This is too much
Must get away!"

- Last line, I think it needs more to it.

[It's taking over
Sweat starts beading
This is too much
I must get away!]

- Makes the line more direct instead of indirect. I think that sometimes poetry is quite amazing with indirect emotional boundaries, but this one should be set differently.

You can't get your groove? Lol, I'm sorry but I thought this was a really good poem. The ending was amazing. You did a swell job. It had the best emotional imagery someone could ask for. Like, you could see the emotion while 'viewing' the vivid imagery.

Amazing.

I think you had your groove! I liked it alot. It was cool.