Intoxicated.

by ASPHYXIATED   Mar 30, 2009


You whispered it'd be complicated,
Like those numerous times before,
Yet my mind was blurred, intoxicated,
While my body ached for so much more.
We lived for thrills, for risk, for chance,
But consequence blocked each way,
Our teenage hearts craved sweet romance,
A life where reality had no say.

My visions impaired, you're overcast,
Yet your scent still pulls me near,
All respect out the window, oh so fast,
Your destruction is what I fear.
So gulp down another vodka shot,
Light up your last cigarette,
Treasure these few hours that we've got,
Before the morning after regret.

3


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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Black fox

    Wow this is a brilliant poem i loved it the rythem is great it flowed so well within it the stucture is good the emotion was strong i liked the meaning so much in this poem i really loved it could i add this to my fav's?

  • 10 years ago

    by Bianca

    This was a great read for me. Your vocabulary and choice of words was excellent, and was used in a way where it worked. That's something that I rarely find on this website anymore. I loved the truth in it, as well as the real feeling it gave, because it did feel real. It wasn't just putting down words for the sake of having a poem written. It was just so much more..

    Your ending wrapped it up nicely, and leaves the reader satisfied and content with what is provided. This also rarely occurs, and so again, I congradulate you. :)

    Great job.

    -Bianca

  • 10 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "You whispered it'd be complicated,
    Like those numerous times before,
    Yet my mind was blurred, intoxicated,
    While my body ached for so much more."
    `A really strong beginning to the poem for various reasons. One being that your flow is flawless and everything including your thoughts just flowed so nicely with one another. Secondly, your word choice was great, I love the idea that your mind was blurred and intoxicated, that feeling is felt by a lot of us.. we're in such a deep state of confusion everything is blurry and nothing makes any sense at all.. very powerful words.. great job. :]

    "We lived for thrills, for risk, for chance,
    But consequence blocked each way,
    Our teenage hearts craved sweet romance,
    A life where reality had no say."
    `Really well done, when teenagers fall in love they crave that romance, so they fall in love take those risks and chances and live in a fantasy world, and reality is blocked out. I loved how this was worded that reality had no say, almost giving reality a voice.. really unique and interesting.

    "My visions impaired, you're overcast,
    Yet your scent still pulls me near,
    All respect out the window, oh so fast,
    Your destruction is what I fear."
    `I liked the "my visions impaired" this kind of reiterates [sp?] that everything is a blur.. just like your mind. I loved the usage of scent, that was awkward at first but its something different instead of the cliche usage of aroma or essence..

    "So gulp down another vodka shot,
    Light up your last cigarette,
    Treasure these few hours that we've got,
    Before the morning after regret."
    `Good ending.. quite impressive..

    Well done, really interesting poem.
    Your title is great, it really attracts the reader and pulls them in.

    5/5.

    Temps [Beyond a Poets Mind]

  • 10 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    Great job describing the feeling of using intoxication to continue in a way that will be regretted later. I really like the way you went on in a vivid description of how you were giving in from the being intoxicated and then how you ended it with morning's regret.
    Great Job 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    All respect out the window, oh so fast,

    Treasure these few hours that we've got,

    These two lines really throw off the flow to your poem . But otherwise fantastic .