Dying Inside

by Jad   Apr 16, 2009


The surface is fine
You wouldn't fine a single cut or scar line
I seem to be the happiest person in the world
But inside I'm cut to pieces laying on the floor in a curl

The people around me are so unaware
They don't think I need a lot of care
I have put up such a lie
This is inversable even if I try

I pretend each day that everything is okay
I seem shinning like the suns ray
Even my friends don't know
Never these emotions will I show

Inside of me is a different side
In there is where I reside
The world outside of me is unknown
As inside of me my emotions roam

The inside of me is a storm
The devastating form
I try to find my way
Always loosing my self in the lies that I say

I have loneliness Inside of me
That only I can see
I fall in the pain of hate
Always screaming in my dreams at night late

I never know what I feel
I'm left with my emotions at a chill
The inside emotions I have are delusional
As the pain I fight inside me is cruel

So now I go about each day
Repeating every day the last word I had to say
I remember how to everyone I continuously lie
As I am dying inside

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Minkus

    I saw a lot of used-up ideas in this poem, but I also saw some promising material. If you read it out loud, you'll find that the flow is merely decent, except for a few rhyming pairs, the best of which in terms of flow was
    "The world outside of me is unknown
    As inside of me my emotions roam."
    That came off smoothly. Right after it, the storm metaphor was good, but you should have expanded on it, giving details about whipping winds and lightning bolts, or something like that to express specifically the turmoil of the storm.

    I did think the closing line was well delivered, but it just felt too cliched to be truly excellent. I see the seeds of a great writer who needs practice!

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