Swallow Your Heart.

This was an absolutely a d o r a b l e write.

"I wish I could swallow your heart--
not only so that it would be
next to mine, harmonizing
with each flutter...

...but for curiosity."

^This was an interesting idea, very unique and original and it honestly made me smile. Not to resort to say something like "because I love you" in such straigh out words, you were able to explain those feelings through other means in this poem. "But for curiosity" That was a definitely interesting and intriguing idea. Very original.

"To explore your emotions
absorbing each one
then analyze them
with my own...

...would they be identical?"

^Another thought provoking line. Would the emotions be the same, would you feel the same way as I?

"Dim nights could be spent
together, your love
complimenting mine,
our hearts cuddling...

...the warmth of comfort present."

^Another great metaphor. Of _hearts_ comforting one another, showing the idea of you two completing each other and yet with no cliche words.

"You could be my candle
light on shadowed nights,
my sunrise
in the morning...

...the ray of my world."

^I absolutely _love love love_ how you are able to describe so many emotions. In a completely cliche sense, you're saying "You could be my everything" but you don't use exactly words. Taking this idea and completely transforming it into your own.

"May I swallow your heart?"

^This was a great way to end it. Taking the title, which you hadn't ever repeated in your poem so it wasn't overused. And in the end the audience just goes, ah, I see. Or "There it is"

I loved how you were able to use your poem with each four lined stanza to make a thought, a thought that can be all alone and by itself, taking it and then adding in just another line. One line to make it into a complete and beautiful thought, idea or question. Bravo.

Interesting concept and well crafted read. I very much enjoyed this piece. 5/5

Hey, firstly the title got me really curious. i think the poems quite unique, original, but i can actually relate!

I wish I could swallow your heart--
not only so that it would be
next to mine, harmonizing
with each flutter...

...but for curiosity.

^^ thats my favourite stanza, the first one, totally got me hooked, write from the start. i was actually curious, wandering what you are curious about =]
i think its third and fourth lines are quite cute, and overall the poem seems perfect. it don't appear forced in any place, the flow good, and its simple, but sweet.
Don't stop writing...MEZi x

I adore this piece. It's definitely something new and fresh -- completely unique!

It's quite a brilliant idea,
though I do have to admit, a bit of a disturbing thought in the beginning. :P
But it manages to attract the reader's attention, no problem. Always a good thing.

It's nice in the sense nearly everyone is able to relate to the emotions. The wanting, wondering, etc. But you've put a twist on it that I love. So nice job. (:

"To explore your emotions
absorbing each one
then analyze them
with my own..."

I do like that stanza a lot, except the last line. Could you try something along the lines of "next to my own.." ? I don't know, I feel like it'd flow better? It seems a little awkward atm.

Cuddling hearts is a bit of a strange image. Not sure I like it much? But then it does go along with the whole swallowing of the person's heart, so.. :P

"You could be my candle
light on shadowed nights,
my sunrise
in the morning...

...the ray of my world."

I love that bit of the poem. The candle light idea may be a little overused. But I like it here. I think you did well. It's very sweet and endearing. Makes me smile. (:

Overall, it's great. I can't get over how much I love this idea! You did wonderfully. Keep it up.

This one's going on my favorites!

I must say, this was one of your best writes I've seen in a while, but not all poems are perfect, I do have a few things I'd like to point out, I just want you to remember that they are my opinions, nothing more, nothing less.

'I wish I could swallow your heart--'

^You do? Gee, I never knew. This is kind of a morbid thought here, although I'm sure there is a reasoning behind what you are saying, so I shall continue reading.

'not only so that it would be
next to mine, harmonizing
with each flutter...

...but for curiosity.'

^I knew you had a reason for starting like that. I liked the way this was written so far. Not really liking the '...' but I suppose it works.

'To explore your emotions
absorbing each one
then analyze them
with my own...

...would they be identical?'

^mmm I'm not too keen on this stanza to tell you the truth. It just didn't flow right for me.

'Dim nights could be spent
together, your love
complimenting mine,
our hearts cuddling...

...the warmth of comfort present.'

^Not bad, but this seems to be seperated from the rest of the poem I felt. It's almost like this portion could be a sepreate poem. It's almost like each stanza can stand alone in a different poem, I don't know, I'm lost on what to say.

'You could be my candle'

^I found that line to be kind of cliche, that has been used quiet a bit about love...

'light on shadowed nights,
my sunrise
in the morning...

...the ray of my world.'

^I actually liked the thought of the 'light' being your so called lover, it was interesting. Very sentimental verse.

'May I swallow your heart?'

^ I didn't really see the point of adding this, it doesn't really add anything to the rest of the poem in my opinion.

Overall, one of your better pieces Temps, keep up the excellent work.

Peace, Joe