To be Free is My Destiny

I really like your use of vocabulary. The words you chose were pretty much perfect

"A war that started within ourselves
Will not free us from our own cause of death
It will slowly invade our hearts with lies
Like poison that kills us, it's hard to defy"

I really like the rhyming here and the point you get across strikes the reader. You are saying that the wars in our hearts will do us no good, the hatred will only kill us bit by bit.

"I live in a place, where nothing could be found
I live with myself, my shadow as my bound
Nothing to listen to besides the wind that passes me by
Nothing to see but the shadow that blinds my eyes"

Didn't like the repeat of "shadows" much, but otherwise, very expressive and portrays a lot of imagery. This explains the state you are in and how loneliness is all to close to you.

"If only I could free myself from the chain that keeps me
If only I could touch the light and see what it unfolds
Then I would live like heaven on earth with happiness as my friend
And I would not fear to take my flight and when my life may end"

Third line: Delete the "like" it will sound much better.

Fourth line: I don't like the "and" after "flight", it just doesn't seem to work.

"I know someday my fortune shall change and misery shall vanish
For I would learn how to fly and the sky shall be no limit
I shall live with my only dream, shadows out of the picture
A dream that I shall conquer, a dream of freedom I shall l"

I don't really get the rhyme scheme, wasn't the first and second line suppposed to rhyme here?

Second line: I think here the tenses are wrong, "would" should be "will".

Last line should be re-worded to:

"A dream that I shall conquer, a dream of freedom I shall live!"..

You just didn't finish this.

Also, the third line just didn't strike me, you used "shadows" again and it wasn't the most unique wording out there.

4/5 from me, well-penned and I only found a few errors and places that could be fixed. Otherwise, this was a thoughtful write.

~MaryAnne

You know for me it was hard to read your poem but maybe because i m not used to read such a poems.
The start of the poem sounds pesimistic moreover you finish it with an optimistic flow.
And i think to be free is everyone of us destiny's :) all in all,poem is written good but somehow i cant find the main sentence in this poem if you get what i mean...so 4/5 :)