Banished from Heaven to the Torment Zone!

by Jack Nightengale   Oct 31, 2009


Banished from heaven,
for killing his own kin.
Exiled at the age of eleven,
punished for his deadly sin.

Outcast and left alone,
soon finds a cause for his worth.
These people made him a throne,
he decides to fight for what he believes is right on Earth.

Confused by all the chaos, death, and slaughter,
the angelic powers he once possessed start to slack.
His mind's in torment from the blood of his daughter,
wings once white now blood stained fade to black.

Stepping out of the shadows to be reborn as a demon,
hell bows as he passes "All hail the Demon King!"
No longer does he wear his family necklace the Zieman,
He stands proud and and lets out a roar that destroys almost everything.

He slowly moves toward what now belongs to him,
finally alone and waiting as he sits in his throne.
He hears an angel calling his name "Crimm?"
as he slowly looks up he starts to grin as he wait for heaven to pass through the Torment Zone!

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Squeegeeviolet

    This is a awesome poem i love it and i love the way you write!!!!!!

  • 14 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    I really love the overall concept of the poem. The only thing I could find that would make it better is the rhythm. You don't necessarily have to rhyme to have rhythm. Just make it flow. Re-read your poem out loud to yourself. I'm sure you can find a way to improve it, but like I said before, I like the concept of the poem. There's nothing wrong with the feelings or the story line. So good job with that, Krissyy. :]

    Keep writing.
    -Cayce;;

  • 14 years ago

    by Jack Nightengale

    Thank you.

    I thought my poems were starting to lose feeling after a while.

  • 14 years ago

    by Tsukuyomi

    Its really good, if you want to spiff it up look for synonyms for certain "low level" words like made. 5/5.

  • 14 years ago

    by Moon

    Wooow !! am really touched by ur poem sweety .. its more like a story .. and its very well written .. i luv ur style in writtin .. i simply luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv it .. i wish i waz so gd like u are (k)

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