One Of The Lost

by Lady Nik   Nov 15, 2009


Silence passes through this room
that holds me in this haunted place.
Back and forth my screams
bounce, wonder if you
heard my whispers. I contemplate
a way to escape the
bars inside my head. I have
lost myself inside my
own disease. Pulling at the
strings that tie me to this
world. A world so gloomy
and dull that not even
gray spots appear.

Where has humanity gone..
why didn't I follow?

Now I'm trapped with my
own internal monsters. My
very creations. Horrid and
savage beings. All once a
part of me. Demonic thoughts
seep through the holes
you drilled into my heart.
Black pours out letting me
know I am no longer pure.

Your lasting words pick me
apart like a filthy vulture
eating the remains of the dead.
I exist mainly to die all over
again whenever your dark
eyes meet mine. You have
taken the best out of me with you.

You have stolen my heart
but I want it back.

Collect the minuscule pieces
and tape them to a bird. This is
the only way my soul can reach heaven.
There is no redemption after
the things I have seen.
No exception for the life I have lead.
I am the beast--
not the beauty.
The petal-less rose.
The horizon with no sunset

Ashes fall around me as I allow
my spirit to drop to the
lowest possible point. I have
nothing to gain for I have become
forgotten. One of the lost...

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Stephanie Naylor

    Overall i loved the poem and whole retrospect of it. What i didnt like was the way you set up your "stanzas". It seems like you just set it up that way because you think its the way a poem should be set up. Each line is like a small pause. For example

    I love to eat away at the humanity of all.(pause)
    I can not wait to see them fall.

    OPPOSED to

    I love to eat away
    (pause)
    at the humanity of all.

    See it just sounds weird
    and also with reading it makes it very hard to read. Again overall it was great, sorry to of been harsh but thats what you get when you ask for comments :).

    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Rocky

    Again a very heartfelt piece. i can tell you put alot of yourself into your writing. but the flow and rythm were off. i am not talking about contrived flow and rythm, where each line only has a certain amount of sylables or whatever, but the natural rythm of speech. and the reason this bothers me is because there is nothing wrong in the words you used, but only in where you break up the sentances. because if i reread it but break up the sentances differently. it does have a natural flow to it. i think maybe you should read it aloud to see where the sentances should be broken up

    personaly i feel the flow would be better like

    Silence passes
    through this room
    that holds me in
    this haunted place.
    Back and forth
    my screams they bounce

    see nearly no real change at all. but i feel it flows better when read aloud. but then that is just my opinion

    or if you dont like writing in short lines you could write like this also

    Silence passes, through this room
    that holds me in, this haunted place.
    Back and forth ,my screams they bounce

  • 14 years ago

    by SolemnWish

    This is deep. Its dark like luminescently dark but beautiful Nik.
    You have a wonderful talent of expression 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by WakingFreedom

    Very well expressed. This is so deep, so dark, so beautiful. I just love the way you have expressed yourself in such a moving manner. 5/5
    WakingFreedom

  • 14 years ago

    by Kuro

    I really liked this. you did have a very effective word choice. and that made the feeling so much more intense, and all that went well with the imagery. A+ 5/5 for sure

    ~Ben

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