Falling into an echo

by tainted melody   Mar 30, 2010


I hear your voice at dawn
your footsteps down the hall

You'll never leave me
You never left me

The ticking of time resounds in my mind.
Getting louder and louder , and yet louder still.

Then she walks into the world and realizes she is just

falling into an echo

They dance across the floor but her footsteps are the only sound

She makes breakfast in bed but his food lay cold

A friend calls to check on her not them

She's just

falling into an echo

The relief she feels when her eyes deceive her

she pray he lay beside her on those quiet nights.

She feels his lips so comforting. She wants to

Fall into his echo

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Kuro

    I like how you used the repeating lines, “falling into an echo”. It gave the poem a sense of repetition. Each time it was used, it followed an example that was interesting a unique. Nicely done.

    A few suggestions:

    “she pray he lay beside her on those quiet nights.”

    ^maybe try “she PRAYS he lay…”^

    “She feels his lips so comforting. She wants to”

    ^maybe try “she FELT his lips, so comforting. She wants to…”

    Also the spacing is a bit inconsistent. You could try double spacing everything so it looks the same. Or you could group after every line “falling into an echo” like this:

    I hear your voice at dawn
    your footsteps down the hall
    You'll never leave me. You never left me.
    The ticking of time resounds in my mind.
    Getting louder and louder , and yet louder still.
    Then she walks into the world and realizes she is just
    falling into an echo.

    They dance across the floor but her footsteps are the only sound
    She makes breakfast in bed but his food lay cold
    A friend calls to check on her not them
    She's just…
    falling into an echo

    The relief she feels when her eyes deceive her
    she pray he lay beside her on those quiet nights.
    She feels his lips so comforting. She wants to
    Fall into his echo

  • 14 years ago

    by Em

    Very different but as I've said before different is good, well in your case better than good; amazing.
    5/5, Em

  • 14 years ago

    by victoria

    Amazing!!! so vivid and so deep in depth!!! one of my favs from anyones i have ever read!. its so hauted and bitter-sweet.

    victoria

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Wow, very creative piece. I loved how this was written :] Welcome to the site, I think you'll do well here. Nik

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