Tonight I want to cry (Part one)

Unfolding the long-forgotten
covers of my vapid existence,
I gaze upon the disturbed vacancy
that lies soaked in dust
before me.
^I don't think long-forgotten needs that hyphen. Also, 'lies soaked in dust before me' doesn't really hold a solid picture for me. I think 'soaked' sounds a bit awkward here. I think a different word would be more efficient. First thing that came to mind was 'smothered' or something like that but I'm not sure. I just don't feel 'soaked' gives off the same image as you're intending.

How I wish life was an old, tattered dress
that I could wear and then rip apart;
Or a frozen clock, strangled by its own
ticking hands.
^Oh, perfect metaphors here. They are simple yet are so powerful in meaning. I liked the life one as a dress, kind of like tearing life apart to resolve some issues perhaps or if it was in anger, wishing life was different. Interesting. Lots of interpretation could go along with that one.

Tonight, I want to cry...
to throw shallow wishes
at the back of my mind,
and measure the depth of
those fleeing moments,
as they collect and lay rotting
upon the withering banks of time,
for more bare, timeless years.
^Brilliant ending! Sometimes the longer we wait to make sure things get better, the best awaits us and it does feel like it's withering, decaying, becoming less reachable the longer we wait within our sadness. A really helpless feeling with the last stanza, but kind of a wake up call I guess, that it's useless to spend even longer of a time dwelling when you could find happiness.

I loved this, very emotional and powerful. Wording was excellent and I really found myself connecting.

Crying washes and refreshes the Soul...
sunshine clears and illuminates
depressed air
and offers nutrition to the will..
Strive On, Dear
poetically, and soulfully,
you have succeeded
in deep expression..
Strive On..

Why must you beat me thoroughly in everything! This poem speaks such a sad thought and the emotions running throughout the poem are incredible and I am really taken away with them. You seem to have deep meaning in your lines and I can easily feel what you are trying to get across. The message second is what really got to me and I think there are others who could relate but I found myself relating to it a lot. So many sad thoughts that you give us to ponder. Your imagery is something else as well. I love how I can easily visualize everything in my head. Your words are breathtaking and they simply are stunning.

"I can't remember,
it has been a while since
I unfolded the covers forgotten
beneath my feet; it's been
an even longer while since I
embraced the disturbed vacancy
that lays plainly infront of my sight;
soaked with dust."

Talk about a killer of a opening. I love the way you draw the reader right into the poem with your first stanza. This is where I get a lot of emotion and also some good visualizes! The poem flows from stanza to stanza with such ease and made it really easy to get a grasp of. Also simplicity was a key aspect as well. :]

All in all, i would have to say that you are ever increasing in your skills as a writer and I am glad that I have been able to see this transition over the months. Your words strike deep and hard. You are always speaking the heart, which I find very emotional. So before I go on forever I will say that this piece is exactly how I expected it to be. Incredible. Great job and keep writing. :]

Mmmm I wil try take this into consideration.. XD
grateful for these suggestions

This has a great depth of emotion and really tugs at the reader's heart. Very well done!

There are, however, some linguistic issues here that could be corrected if you wanted. Metaphors only work well when they make sense.

"disturbed vapidness" seems kind of awkward. The word "breather" doesn't make any sense to me either used in this way. "as my wistfulness wrinkle on the banks of age." That whole sentence also makes little sense to me.

You are a wonderful poetess. But you should try to avoid phrases that you aren't quite sure of. A few minor changes and this could be just perfect. :)