In circles

by The Princess   Jan 13, 2012


I guess, to you, I'll always harbor
shadows of kohl and light trails

You'll see me, every autumn, on beds
of reddening leaves, with light seeping into
the darkness of my hair and the sun
in my eyes. Burning,
the same ambers and browns
of your eyes, in my eyes.

I guess, to me, you'll always harbor
choppy seas of ink and circles
of Zen. I'll hear you everytime
flutes of champagne sing
against my fingers and brushes
whisper - a one-stroke Enso,
staring sightlessly- against
my palm. Locks
of your dark glossy
hair in my palm.

4


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  • 12 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    Another beautiful but sad love poem, I believe miscategorized in the misc. category, crafted with unique vocabulary, by a Poetess who is known to publish masterpieces.

    I guess, to you, I'll always harbor
    shadows of kohl and light trails

    ^For a moment I wondered what the heck is kohl, but a little search led me to what I had suspected, it is Arabic for Surma or Kajal (used as a dark eyeliner by Egyptian and Indian/Eastern women for ages immemorial, dating back to 3100 B.C). It carries different significance in different cultures on different occasions, but is largely used as a cosmetic today, to enhance the beauty of the eyes. So to me the author is projecting that she will always try to be beautiful to her loved one. A lovely thought, and noble, very traditional as well.

    You'll see me, every autumn, on beds
    of reddening leaves, with light seeping into
    the darkness of my hair and the sun
    in my eyes. Burning,
    the same ambers and browns
    of your eyes, in my eyes.

    ^What can I say about this stanza.... Autumn...reddening leaves....sunlight seeping in hair and eyes..... bringing reminisces of amber brown to the lovers eyes.....a lovely and pristine way to describe the expectancy of another season of love, if he returns.

    I guess, to me, you'll always harbor
    choppy seas of ink and circles
    of Zen. I'll hear you everytime
    flutes of champagne sing
    against my fingers and brushes
    whisper - a one-stroke Enso,
    staring sightlessly- against
    my palm. Locks
    of your dark glossy
    hair in my palm.

    ^This last stanza, was the most difficult to interpret. Using the symbolism of Enso or circles of Zen (from Zen Buddhism), in what seems to be a love poem, is crafty and speaks volumes about the poet's imagination. To use "flutes of champagne" (toasting wine cups) and relate them to enso ( a Zen circle) was interesting, but not very clear in its conveyed meaning at the end. I would suggest breaking this biggish stanza in to 2 pieces and rearranging the lines to better convey the implied meaning. Nevertheless, the overall appeal that this poem carries seems well deserving to its nomination and possible win, to this reader.

    (Judging comment 1-22-12)

  • 12 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Another one of those poems with an intro that pulls you in such a clever way.. "I guess".. sparks curiosity immediately..I love how this piece is stuck between..
    certainty and doubt.. she takes it off with "I guess",to later go on with "You will"..

    the writer then takes a trip to sugarcoat land as she starts coating all the details with very vivid images such as ;

    "beds of reddening leaves"
    "the sun in my eyes"

    also,I give kudos to the writer for managing to incorporate the word "eyes" not one, not two but three times in one stanza yet it doesn't get boring or cliche at all, if anything it just added more emotion...
    and then the doubt in certainty again in the last stanza

    "I guess,you'll"
    I love how playful the word choice was,specially the champagne part, for some reason champagne directly made me think of a party and having a good time,
    which leads me to believe that the writer will only remember this person during the best of times..

    I could be wrong, but that's what I gather from it anyways. Also, I had a little hard time pondering on how to link the title with the poem..
    but then I went back to the

    "You will, I will,You will ,I will"
    and that it will go on forever,that it will just keep happening,
    the two lovers,

    (I guess they are lovers anyway)
    will always remember each other
    in different ways, time after time.

    such a refreshing little poem
    I love all of it.

  • 12 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    This is a lovely poem, one that highlights remembrance (of a friendship? romance?). It's those little things that at first might not seem like the most typical of "special" memories, that ultimately end up being all we think of. The weather, on those times spent together. Champagne, music; things not altogether extraordinary, but that really helped make a moment.

    A lovely read. c: