The Joys of being a Woman

8 a.m. and it's the usual
Yawn, stretch, brush my teeth,
gasp as I walk past the bathroom mirror
"Who is that girl wearing my pajama's?"

Half hour shower to shave and rinse of
sinful stains, and mascara flakes
For I was too lazy to wash my face last night,
since someone rushed me into the bed

Product after product as I begin the killer process
of burning and damaging highlighted hair
Then the application of Maybelline and Cove girl
Every stroke must be perfect, every dab must be even-
"God bless the girls with natural beauty"

A quick tinkle before I head out the door
leads me to notice the crimson tide has rolled in
Now a torturous day of my uterus cramping
and my lower back feeling like I have slipped discs

I head to Starbucks to ease my caffeine cravings
where I wait in line by a lustful man
whose eyes roam to my breasts instead of his wife's
As another whistles while he walks out

Can't wait to go to my job where Stan,
employed by the company for a year and a half,
got my promotion because they felt
"a woman like me is not qualified to move up"-
Goodbye woman's rights!

Once I reach home I will fall into a bed of
Heating pads and Tylenol
As I start to doze off, I remember
I have no underwear clean for tomorrow-
Time for a load of wash

Just for a day, I wouldn't mind a pair of testicles
That way the only few things I'd have to worry about,
Is if my goatee is shaven to perfection,
and what brand of beer do I want with my pizza?