Love you

by Omar   Jul 16, 2012


I'm looking at the most beautiful thing in this world,
and I don't want to lose you baby girl.

It's the little things that I love and cherish about you.
Even if i'm broke, beat, or hurt as long as i'm with you,
none of that matter.

I hope you will stand by my side until we die.
Just know that I will love you always and forever.

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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    Ohhhhh this is so beautiful, I love it, I loved every word of it envied every line, outstanding poem!!!

  • Sorry for the double post. Forgive me? lol (:

  • I'm looking at the most beautiful thing in this world,
    and I don't want to lose you baby girl.

    ^^ A beautiful opening stanza! Every girl would feel all warm and fuzzy reading this. (:

    It's the little things that I love and cherish about you.
    Even if i'm broke, beat, or hurt as long as i'm with you,
    none of that matter.

    ^^
    First line:
    Gave me the idea that you could extend the poem or, dare I say, write a spin-off, listing the 'little things' you 'love and cherish' about her. Just an idea. LOL
    Second line:
    These three things seem very familiar. Especially 'beat and hurt' (Should that be 'beaten' by the way?) - Perhaps consider using another scenario? Just a suggestion.
    Third line:
    Missing a word. Should be 'None of that WILL/WOULD matter' (depending on tense) OR perhaps it was meant to be 'MATTERS' with an 's'...?
    This stanza has so much emotion within it. It's a powerful stanza. (:

    I hope you will stand by my side until we die.
    Just know that I will love you always and forever.

    ^^
    A beautiful ending fill with hopes. (:

    OVERALL;
    A really great piece.
    To me it seems like you have written in a story format - a beginning, middle and end.
    The beginning: where you have opened with a beautiful message and a theme for the poem.
    The middle/body: where you have continued to inform about that message whilst sticking with the theme and showing the necessary emotions. The peak of 'none of it matter'
    The ending: where you have tied it nicely with hopes for the future and reinforcing that message of love.
    VERY NICELY DONE!

    You have expressed yourself really beautifully in this piece. Well done.

    Great job. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Purple Rose

    Hello again!

    Typos: I would capitalize the 'I' in the first and second 'I'm' in the second line of the second stanza. Also, take out 'doesn't' in the last line of the same stanza and put a 's' on 'matter.'

    Very beautiful poem, Omar. Every girl wants their man to say this to them, but unfortunately that doesn't come true for most.

    Excellent
    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Alyssa Rianne

    I love this poem!