Heartbeats

by Meme   Jul 22, 2012


I knew you were mine
when you reflected the
melancholic colors of
my eyes, but I am yet to
discover the mystery
of your touch.

I engraved all my lonely
Septembers on the walls
of your heart, and you
stayed there holding me
close never letting go of
my hands.

Hug me once more, but
promise this wont be the
last time. Wrapped around
your heartbeats I can
breath now for the first time.

Without you I am always
lost .. incomplete .. weak
Never leave me there
surrendering to my own
autumn fears, just hug
me again
-for a little while longer.

**For a club contest**

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© Copyright 2012 by: gIrL
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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by LoVerSLaND

    Very nice. 4/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Lioness

    Oh my!
    This is simply put, beautiful!!!

    I love the flow and the words you have used here, I feel a warmness in the poem. I wonder why you've put it in the miscellaneous though because I can feel such strong love coming from this piece.

    Oh I love the ending too, simply brilliant!!!

    You're amazing

    x

  • 13 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    That is a lovely touch to a poem, making it so you.

    Really nice poem.

    Sorry its not much of a comment.

    xx

  • 13 years ago

    by L

    I like this poem and I thought that the description that you gave could be useful, yet I'm glad you didn't post it, since without it the reader can wonder what this poem is about.. That's why I also liked it that you placed it under miscellaneous and not under love poems.

    when I first read it, I thought it was a love poem, dedicated to someone and..., other than that, I really like this and the descriptions you gave.

    By the way, I like the use of autumn in a poem, and for me to see it in your poem adds more for me to like it even more.

    • 13 years ago

      by Meme

      Thanks a lot for the challenge Luce. i loved it :-)

      Oohhh I always use Autumn in my poetry, I was born in Autumn and it has a special meaning to me :-)

  • 13 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Meme, I am angry. I wrote a very long comment and it signed me out. :( How many times will this happen to me again till I learn to copy my comment!? And I didn't have enough marks to be qualified to study medicine. I was 3 or 4 marks away. This is not my luck day. I assure ya.

    So, I said somewhere in my comment that if you just try to read the poem again now and focus on those little lovely expressions you have ere and there, and try to connect them to each other all throughout the poem till the end, it will flow much, much better and the meaning will be completely different.

    For example, the Septembers bit, I loved it bt...found no connecton between it and the whole poem. Maybe that's ust me and my bitter attitude or because I don't know the rules of your club contest, still I would love to see you consideing this.

    Also:

    'melancholy' should be 'melancholic'. It was an adjective there.

    Lovely piece, Miss M. You're just getting brighter!

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