Flouting (senryu)

I love this dedication, Jenni although it is saddening, it's definitely an eye-opener.

The title is clever. I think it is what they (the children's families) did, which caused their deaths? I'm not sure but it is powerful and it does stand out.
I found it creepy how you've written 'wide-eyed', it connotes shock and fear.
I liked the metaphor of dolls being the children, since they both share the same aspect of being innocent.
Second verse: I think it would be necessary to capitalise the first letter of August? Since it may be mistaken as the adjective. :)
I love the word 'suspired' here. It's strong and adds to the haunting tone. It injects this piece with reality without holding back..
The ending is just magnificent. I did picture black curtains dropping for the final time as the play ended. But at the same time, it conjures up sad feelings. And it shows finality; it really is 'the' end.

A great dedication jenni, very moving piece written very well.

May their Souls Rip, a beautiful dedication J
5/5

Its very sad, May their souls rest in piece.

Beautiful dedication hon.
xxx

May their souls rest in peace and may their families find love in each others arms