Not accepted (Double limericks)

VERY NICE!!!

Aww. I love the humour of this. Very clever little write.

I find Limericks difficult to write - so cudos to you for writing two!

My thoughts:

There was loaded on a ship, a donkey

^^ This gave me the image of Noah's Arc - which suggests a religious side to the piece... perhaps this is just me. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

who fell down the sea cause of a monkey

^^
The word count can be a bugger here - there needs to be an 'into' instead of 'down' maybe just change it to 'in' ?? As nothing can really fall down the sea... can be washed away though..

His owners prayed him

^^
Again, the 'prayed' doesn't really work. I can see what your saying, but it throws the flow out of sync. There needs to be a 'for' after the 'prayed' perhaps remove the 'his' so you can add the 'for' ?? I don't know.

'God bless who can't swim'

^^ Again the religious suggesstion - but again this could just be reading too much into it.

In the morning waves brought their golds with key

^^
This line doesn't really fit in my opinion. The other lines seem to be talking about a donkey falling into the sea, but then here is a treasure chest (?) of gold appears? It feels as though this line has been added simply to rhyme... I don't know. Perhaps consider relating it more closely to the above lines ??

Said take this and everything that's swanky

^^
Perfect line. I love the word 'swanky' haha

but keep away your untrusted punkie

^^
'punkie' -- is this meant to be 'punk' with an added 'ie' on the end to rhyme? Perhaps consider a different rhyme ??

who appears as skim

^^
Perhaps... apears 'so thin' ??

but eats every limb

^^ 'but eats every THING' -- if you alter the line above that is

we won't trust indigestible junkie

^^
I like this ending - the use of junkie was different and less negative than it usually is - which was actually really good to see for a change. (:

OVERALL;
OMGosh! Looking above - I apologise for all the suggestions! I feel so cruel - and I really don't meant to be. I just want this poem to be as good as it has the potential to be.
It was a really good write. It's not often that I read poems from the 'fun and humour' folder - but this one caught my eye.
Great use of the Limerick - I cannot write them myself. Can't stand them! So well done for writing two - you've done a fine job.

Remember - if you hate the suggestion completely ignore it! -- PLEASE. haha

Excellent work. (:

Love the humour, I love the second stanza the best, love the use of the word 'junkie'

I have commented on many many poems yet haven't come across a double limerick before.
I am sure you kids will love this if you were to read it to them.

i am just not sure what line 5 means, apart from this it was excellent.