Eyes, Heart, and Mouth

Very well written. It's not often you read over an acrostic poem that blends so poignantly such as this one. I too can only echo I like how you've chosen three scientific terms as well, opposed to just going the easy route and saying MOUTH, EYES AND HEART. I enjoyed this!

5/5.

When I came across the title, I just had to read this. It is so different and new to me to see those three combined. There is a little typo on separates. But the message of this poem is just mindblowing. Really beautiful write here.

In the title you have to place a comma between "eyes" and "heart" as it is an enumeration, not too big of a deal though. Reading it I was wondering why you'd pick those three things and what they might have in common so that you decided to write about them, but once I read your note I realized why you picked that because I had completely forgotten about the contest by now.

When writing acrostics it is important that it does not feel as though you chose the line breaks just that you manage to fullfill the forms criteria and I think that overall you did a good job with this, it flows naturally there is just one verse I am not completely satisfied with:

"Arrogance seperates the infected from the
love and care open-minded people bathe in, leaving the
selfish assumption that one human is better than the next"
^ Ending a verse with "the" does not feel too natural. If I knew how to re-arrange the first to keep the acrostic I'd tell you but I can't seem to manage to.. the second one you could just remove and add an "s" to "assumption" so that it is plural, would still work and be better in my opinion.

Also I noticed you're as much of a semicolon lover as I am haha! Though I'd recommend you not to have the sentences too long, for example in your second stanza, you've got one sentence over 6 verses.. they are still understandable after all because of how you worded and punctuated them, but sometimes it's exhausting to read a sentence as long as that one (I do that too...sometimes x)).

Now to the content:
"Occasionally I question how others view the world;"
^ This is definately an intruiging start for a poem because I am sure many people can relate to it and you saying that you question it yourself might give the reader an idea as to finding an answer. Even though you might not know everybodys view, you certainly know your own and sharing that only would already be an enrichment to these curious people like myself.

"Rough and disastrous"
^ "rough" does not have to be capitalized. Nonetheless, I thought that this is quite dramatic, not necessarily because of it being a negative statement, but rather because of how true it is - most don't believe in good things and will always find something to complain about.

"but rarely appreciated,"
^ Too true, especially when it comes to nature, seeing how we pollute it without any care. Eventually it won't be nature that we destroy, but nature growing "defense-organisms", that will destroy those who cause all those problems, which would be us humans.

"seeing how we're simply guests here on Earth. "
^ Even though you speak in plural I am positive that you are one of the view who do realize that. I did read the comments and saw that most agree, which I am positive most will do if they hear that, but they do not even think about it and continue doing what they do.

I love the confidence you have in your second stanza, which shows that even though downs may come your way, you are grateful for feeling and nobody can ever take that from you. Your certainly are an enrichment to the world with your pure heart!!

"hurt me and I'll love you, for I know you need it"
^ You might want to consider rewording this as it does not sound really sincere in my opinion, but rather full of yourself, which contraditcs a little with the stanza itself though I see what you mean, but still. Just my opinion anyways. :P

Your poem is consistently interesting, which is emphasized by the last stanza because usually the tension builds up or decreases, but yours was very consistent in my opinion. Also I like how you picked up the "heart-idea" in that stanza and finished your poem with the passion of writing even though you got the possibility to just speak your mind.

Absolutely loved loved loved this poem and I have rarely enjoyed writing a comment as much as this one! :)

I haven't read the others in the challenge but I thought while reading it, my gosh this must have won lol Oh this is awesome. It looks like you steped up and rose to the challenge. I think it is brilliant!!!

Awesome write and congrats!

x

I loved how you used 3 scientific names instead of just one. You really stepped it up and you truly deserved to win. :)

I like the use of the phrases in the parentheses, it connects the eyes, mouth, and heart instead of just reading them separately.

Eyes: I've always wandered what it would be like to see the world through . someone else eyes. What do they focus on? What do they see is more important? I've always been curious. You captured it amazing, I love how you stated we are just guests on Earth, so true.

Heart: I think everyone wears it on their sleeve... some just try to cover it up a little more. We all can be broken somehow...and we can all be stitched back together at some point.

Mouth: Some can express their feelings easily... they can say when someone hurts them, or tell someone exactly what they think without thinking of the consequences... which is a good and bad quality. Others will bottle their words up and wait to express them into writing... I love the last line "forever become ink within my notebook" ... so beautiful.