Comments : Unborn Hero

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Now I don't have much to say to this. Mainly because it was just so powerful, and such a thoughtful piece, but also because it's nearly 3 in the morning and I havent slept.

    When you posted that quote in the club, it was powerful and touching, and to draw on that with a poem of such thought and truth. That's remarkable and blew my mind.

    Amazing poem, once again Hannah, you didn't fail to leave me open mouthed

  • 11 years ago

    by Austin

    Great imagery displayed here. It almost poured out the old Americana Dream, the white picket fence and old school cars sitting in drive ins. Yet it ultimately paints a masterpiece of sacrifice that one has given for us to even write these words. Beautiful to say the least.

  • 11 years ago

    by Autumn Leaves

    This is a very powerful poem. I am not into politics or a person that is patriotic, but this is an amazing. I find the wording of this write amazing, strong, inspiring, and powerful write.

    Great write. ...AL

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Dusk and dawn camouflaged
    themselves inside a fallen
    soldier's daydream,

    - oh dear, this opening gave the warning of the tears coming straight away. the word fallen and soldier just breaks your heart because the news lately has just been filled with the deaths of too many heroes. As for the use of the word camouflaged, I thought it very creative and fitting with the uniform and the idea of the blending of your dusk and dawn.

    cinema lights beamed while
    he buttered his fingers with
    popcorn flavored memories
    and slurped an extra-large
    fountain of youth.

    - This wording is so creative, to use the cinema and the popcorn etc to represent the things in his life like memories and youth and time, it is just fantastic.

    He anticipated the previews
    of consciousness to end,
    counting seconds until
    he could watch the film
    of a life he would never live.

    - this was so sad, when you mention the life he would never live. It gives us just the slightest glance of what kind of thoughts must go through these soldiers minds when they worry about the future and what it holds. I picked up a tone here that this poem was almost from the ghost of this person already, like he was seeing it as a spirit before his eyes of what his life was like before he died.

    His future wife caressed
    the scent of him between
    her hands,
    tracing carved marble
    like she was doodling
    his name with hers
    along an endless line.

    - another heart wrenching image to know that she is so happy and content, the future wife part means they have made plans together and are looking forward to a happy life together. The idea of the endless line here is very clear because the line is not endless and sometimes we just assume it is and take the little things for granted.

    A mirage of a son
    that he never had the
    chance to create saluted
    the wind in honor of
    an unborn hero.

    - I think, for me, this is the most touching part. Because the idea of wanting to be a father but never being given the chance, is so heart breaking. An like the quote states, it is not the life he had, but indeed the life he could have had. So touching Hannah.

    Reflections of an
    envied man stare
    into memorized pupils -
    climbing the mountains
    of wrinkled cheekbones
    and voyaging through
    a shallow forest of an
    ashen widows-peak.

    - Wow... the mountain of wrinkled cheekbones?? What the?? This poem is just flawless with images and touching little ideas Hannah. All your words are full of sorrow and darkness and just pull together all the pain that is within this real message of life and death

    As the credits rolled
    behind his eyelids,
    he bestowed eternal
    sacrifice to his country.

    - I like the ending of how you put the credits behind his eyelids, very very moving to read and the word eternal is so powerful in this case because as a reader you just want to wake him up and bring him to life, but we cant. Then it ends with the whole point of your poem, that they really do give up everything just so we can all live free.

    Very beautiful wording Hannah and I admire you for writing this, I think it is one of the most touching poems on this site. .very eye-opening.

    Well done! x

  • 11 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    So great and so powerful piece! The defense of country is a valuable responsibility that rarely you find someone do have in time. It demands an endless sacrifice. Memories do include plenty of those people.
    Excellent write.

  • 11 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Wow....that quote is true of those lives lost.

    Hannah this write was actually really cool! Loved the metaphor you used and tied in a movie and all the details of being in a theater watching a film. That was interesting..

    I've never read a Memorial Day poem like this, so deep, creative, and ending with a quote that makes us think more on the poem, and more on the the end, one just ends up in tears.

    As sad as this piece is, it makes me very grateful for the men and women who fight to keep us safe.

  • 11 years ago

    by Robert Gardiner

    Exquisite Hannah, A Wonderful Tribute.

  • 11 years ago

    by Hellon

    This is a great tribute to all soldiers Hannah. So many young matter which country they were defending...just never came back but, they are certainly remembered. Nicely done!

  • 11 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Wow this is a great tribute to the men who have given so much ...very skillfully written as always

  • 11 years ago

    by Andrew Packard

    Wow! Truly a poetic masterpiece .....


  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Congrats on the win girl!!! :) Much deserved...xx

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Hannah, this poem speaks to the heart a million times. I fell in love with your expressions and how charismatic this man will be, especially concerning his family, and overall being a protector not just for them but for the whole country. Yesterday I actually met a friend of a friend's at a graduation party who is going into the Marines next month, and you could just tell his care for everyone in his the metaphor and how you molded it to tell such a story and really have it come alive. We need to realize there are many more hero's in our lives and ones we don't know that are forgotten about.

    Congrats on the win, so well-deserved!!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Meme

    Much deserved win girl :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Burning Angel

    Wow. This is really amazing. I almost cried.

  • 11 years ago

    by Lemon

    This is beautiful. Shows how the impact of a young soldier dying can shatter not only their life but the lives of those who loved him. Really illustrates the quote, exellent!

  • 11 years ago

    by summerwind

    Very fluid and very powerful. But I have to say something on the speech delivered by President Reagan.

    Yes, we do feel all the sentiments and wasted lives incurred by these innocent young prime citizens, for what? for the so called illusion of freedom? we are just as barbaric as the old days when civilization was proved to be the culprit oif everything bad and cruel we did because of lack of education and well served purpose of civilization. But war? to lose and win? we are all losers. If man, all of us will take away borders, powers and just be a simple and as peace serious seekers as the monks, then war is not needed for anyone. So why don't we all grow up and establish unity so protection is not needed to kill innocent lives?

    That is all

  • 11 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Soldiers give up a lot to protect and serve their country and we don't seem to realize it a times. From start to finish this write captured my mind with many vivid images as well as emotions...very well written.

    Congrats on the win.

  • 10 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Sometimes, I just want to thank this war for teaching me how to truly love my country and its people. Every time I watch on the news the faces of those young soldiers, dead and thrown in the streets, I feel sick. I choke with tears. They had sacrificed, given their lives away generously. That's, in my opinion, the purest, most noble kind of love. Thank you for writing this poem.

  • 10 years ago

    by Britt

    Judges comment:

    I can't begin to describe the overwhelming emotion that came over me with this poem. Poetically speaking it had everything.. emotion, descriptive, creativity.. but it had something so much more that I can't really begin to imagine. The quote she added by President Reagan at the end solidified the tears streaming down my face. Such a powerful poem.. I'm speechless. She penned it perfectly -- we so often think of soldiers as the old men we see at Veterans events.. without realizing that those men we've buried are not grandfathers, but sons, husbands, brand-new fathers. My heart breaks for this poem. Overwhelming.

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comment:

    In my opinion, this is the best poem in reguards to our fallen soilders that I have read in a very long time. I give Hannah props and applause for such an elegant, tasteful, and respectful poem. This poem is one that should be read on memorial day, and everyday as a reminder of the careing and unselfish gifts that our soliders give us every day ... Touching piece!

    It is also very unique and creative, which is why I chose it as my Ten point poem, it has a flow that sings, with a beautiful word usage and creative flare.

    To me, the entire piece is enchanting from start to finish, but this stanza here left me in tears.

    "His future wife caressed
    the scent of him between
    her hands,
    tracing carved marble
    like she was doodling
    his name with hers
    along an endless line."

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This is what I mean by such a unique poem.. this stanza here highlights the beauty of this piece to a tee..

    Beautiful and touching poem!!