The long scratches in us

by Karla   May 28, 2013


I know you are in rehab (no no no)
and have been clean
for three weeks.
No alcohol, no nothing.

I know court is on June 23 rd
and Buddhism is helping you
to cope with the raw experiences
of life.

I know we still are two lost souls
raging, aching, living, trying not
to see the inviting open window
again.

I am repeating I know as if
my limited knowledge could give me
solace when solace can't be found
simply because I can only contemplate
the geometric progression of our pain
and losses.

What we feel is bigger than us.
It is a thought moving fast,
multiplying the horizon
and swallowing the sun.

You grew inside of me,
spreading fast like ivy,
like the moonlight on
the surface of the days.

And nothing is here,
nothing.
I can't find what
we saw, we shared.
Silence creeps around me.

There are many words
in my distorted mouth.
Many unreachable words
waiting to be cuddled,
embraced, touched.
Some things are so distant
even when they are inside us,
even when they want us.

I feel. Oh! I feel
and it hurts me,
and we both love what
never existed
because we...we never
existed.

Karla Bardanza
For G

http://karlabardanzapoems.blogspot.com
http://skycladatmidnight.tumblr.com
http://poeticpostcards.blogspot.com

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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    [Judging comment from week of 6/03/13]:

    The beginning is powerful, let me tell you I can feel the intensity in the air of how the character is feeling, even just touching the surface, the author has much deeper meaning behind the lines I might never grasp, it's very personal. I love how you state the facts. I think in a stressful situation where we feel trapped, if we can say in our heads, over and over again, what we know, what is present, we can be calmed down or at least assured we have control. In this way, it's a reassurement that this is true. I liked your specific of bringing in Buddhism, how this has affected this person you are speaking about and it's a starting point for them to build on to heal. There is such a desire the author is expressing when saying this person grew inside her, and maybe showed her the bigger meaning of life, opening her heart up.... the inability therefore, further on, to find that again in the present moment is terrifying. I really feel in the next few stanzas that the author has somehow distanced herself from reality and this person, wishing she could not, but not always knowing what's a dreamy part of her past and what she now has to come to say. Wow, that ending gave me shivers! I absolutely love how you placed this final thought in the poem with saying, stuttering, how you cannot find these things that existed because you and this person's relationship never did. A moving, thoughtful write through and through.

  • 10 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    There are some memorable lines within this write that speaks for aches, distance and love. What I like is that the poem speaks to the reader, one can see and hear the writer going through these emotions..

    Congrats on the win.

  • 10 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    Congrats on your win Karla :) I knew this poem would win.

    What we feel is bigger than us.
    It is a thought moving fast,
    multiplying the horizon
    and swallowing the sun.

    Fantastic poetry my friend.

  • 10 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Congrats on the win Karla!! I love the honesty in this poem and how you repeat to yourself the "I know" in ways of calming you....the way you portray the distance in the end feels so real to me and also how you may have been holding it in, even though it's so contrast to reality. A well-deserved win, amazing writes as always :]

  • 10 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Karla, your poems are alive

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