Our agendas were written by two different hands,
in two different languages,
in two different countries,
within two seperate worlds.
You happily reside on Earth
while my soul is out surfing the
Kuiper belt, my longing to nestle
into you becoming lost among
the light-years, dissolving along with
transient static noise of
'I love you's.
Even if I were to travel that journey,
surely your atmosphere would ignite me until
I became the charred ash raining down
onto your eyelids as you soundly slept,
but the fact that your tears would never
wash me away, reminds me why I'd
never make that journey.
My telescope could never find
your good intentions, no matter
how long I stayed up searching the
twinkling starry nights; It's the blackness
behind those suspended lamps that says to me:
You belong a comet, icy for the reasons
the world had turned you cold and
rocky for the reasons old lovers had turned
So when my tail sweeps the skies
overhead, while you're restless and
pacing the same front porch we shared
our first kiss on, don't offer up any
Because our agendas were written
by two different hands, and you never
bothered holding mine.
This is a very beautiful poem Crystal. Okay I will first point out that the imagery is very beautiful. I loved the wording as well because it's different from what I've read before. It does seem sometime that love is a million miles apart so I loved the metaphor. Or I think the other meaning could be that this person has passed away and now you will never love them again. But I think it's the first part. I loved the use of stars and space. Or just overall the science side of it. I loved howyou put this in the dark ccategory as well. There is a hint of darkness and sadness because you feel sad that the characters cannot be together. The double view point was good. Though you mostly stick to the character that is you. Overall I loved the ending as well that line spoke to me the most. :). Great and enjoyed the read because it's creative and everything is just perfect well done
...I'm speechless, Crystal. I'm with Tara; I really don't know to say. But I'll try... I didn't expect this from reading the title. This is so spacey, if that makes any sense; it just makes you feel weightless, as if you really were there with the speaker. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but you nailed it! The imagery just exploded in my mind. I could see the nebulae, the planets, the rocks, the galaxies. It was all crisp and clear. And that imagery and those metaphors together just made made my mind go wild! This poem literally made my toes tingle (Hope that doesn't weird, haha). There was nothing out of place or out of sync the story. There is one thing that caught my attention though. In the sixth line of the fourth stanza, was there suppose to be"to" or "on" in the sentence "You belong a comet, icy for the reasons"?
The overall metaphor really makes you feel for the speaker. She's given all her love to someone unworthy, and now he's left her. She seems to be the only one who's affected, so that must make her feel alone and isolated, kind of how you'd probably feel if you were in space. If this is personal, I'm really sorry, and I hope you're okay. But on a positive note, this is truly a masterpiece. It's going straight to my favorites and the nominations. Excellent work :)
Really loved your piece. to love another is a struggle in itself and if your significant other is blind and can't see the hand in front of him leading the way to the promised land, then good riddance. excellent poem
7 years ago
by Tara Kay
I want to give you a comment that is worth you reading, but I know I'll end up rambling, and that isn't fair on you,
I can sense that this needed to be written because it holds a lot of anger and pain, and the emotion was strong and powerful,
There were some parts that I could relate to, about how you feel disconnected from this person, how you now realise that they weren't good for you, but you still harbour some feeling for them...
You penned it really well, I like the simplicity of the title, to draw the reader in, and the repetition at the end of the first stanza worked well and also the loneness of that first stanza, just a powerful opening.