A last poem

by Saerelune   Aug 24, 2013


You and he: both dislike my poetry, both confuse dishonesty
with a desire to cloak my nakedness, but he said I looked pretty
(just because he hadn't seen me naked), and you never said anything,
because, to you, beauty doesn't appear in a nutshell.

He never said he loved me, neither did I (only silently),
and it's only three years later that I dare to write his name, Randy,
maybe because I've finally realised he won't come back
to find his name hiding in an author's note.

Still I write these words with both fear and curiosity,
wondering if either of you happen to experience
the same madness that dubbbed me a local lunatic,
which reminds me he'd always call me Sinnie,
for all the bad deeds I inflicted upon myself.

I will now receive that title with open arms.
I am a sinner, the absence of him was filled up
by jealousy, a year of psychology, and the realisation
that every man I meet will have to look like him.

You aren't him. When you call me cute, like he did,
it's nostalgia and nousea. I don't love you enough
to endure another heartbreak, but loved him enough
to make him immortal amongst my painful memories.

If he still happens to linger around, he would be proud of me
for exposing my worst, but honest poem, devoid of metaphor.
And if you ever stumble upon these words, then it means
I've finally made you scorn me, made you see the ugliness
of my body, made you want to forget me, as I'd like to forget him.

24-08-2013
12:36 PM

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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Oh my gosh this has got to be the worst......feeling ever :( I went through this EXACT same thing a year ago...dated someone who was kind to me, and called me pretty, and loved me, but he didnt really compare to the one I truly loved. I could never have described that triangle as well as you penned here...This was so in depth and you can tell in the first stanza this is just an outpouring of true emotion. . I love what you did here....describing the boys...describing what they do to your poetry.

    This is really just brilliant!!

    On a personal note, to perhaps help with these crazy ermotions, I'll telll ya what I did. I broke up with the guy who didn't compare to the one I truly loved..because too, I was comparing him to my first love, settling for him....and I decided I needed to get over this madness as a whole. so I took a whole year, Last September to this, to find myself...who am I? whats my identity? where do I belong?..no distractions...and I have to say in that year, I got over both of them. Dont even care anymore.....kind of amazing when we set aside the drama of out love life and just focus on ...life.

    Good luck girl. I adore this and relate hugely.

  • 10 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Hands down one of the best poems I've read in a while. damn it Cyn, you are brilliant.

    you are so darn brilliant i want to cry

  • 10 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Hands down one of the best poems I've read in a while. damn it Cyn, you are brilliant.

    you are so darn brilliant i want to cry

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