Dreams

by Jenni Marie   Sep 15, 2013


I dreamt of you last night and when I
woke my cheeks were slightly wet; and
it was with a jolt of realization I realized

I was missing you.

No, no...don't misunderstand me. I wasn't
missing you myself, but for him. Because
the constant back and forth was never
what I had in mind for him. All of the
confusion and uncertainty- I'd give anything,
I'd give everything...to be able to bear it for him.

{It wasn't meant to be this way-
not for him.}

I'm not the best parent in the world,
I make mistakes. I'm learning you see.
Motherhood never came with a manual.
But I do my best for him, and I'd do
anything, give anything; to shield him
from our constant war. But you...

You, withhold him from me and you play
game after game, and yet still have the
audacity to play the innocent, play the
victim. I can forgive the half truths, the
lies and the broken promises. Because
as much as you may wish it, it isn't I
that is suffering from those. It is him.

Always him.
And for that...for that;
I will {never} forgive you.

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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Athanael

    This is a very touching poem, and it reflects your feelings very well ... we all wish this didn't happen and that things could have turned out a different way. Just, sometimes, in life things don't go as we expect them to and we need to do the best that we can in the situation that's presented to us.

    And I think you are doing your best. You write poems that are touching, that can externalize something that normally is just kept secret in the thinking that nobody else can understand what people are going through, you write poems that make people understand your path towards the happiness that you are bound to find some day.

    You are looking for your happiness, and mostly, for the happiness of your son. And one day, as you see him walking proudly down the street as a young man, you will be proud that you'll have contributed to make him become what he'll have become, and it will be your merit, because your love, your stubborness, your willingness to keep fighting ... will have influenced your son more than anything else, and he's already feeling it more than you think.

    You are a great mother Jenni ;)

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