What Mommy's Do...

Most people agree that there are some things children should never have to see...but what about the things parents shouldn't be subjected to? That image will stay with me for eternity and as much as I wish to erase it from my mind I already know without a certainty that that is something I will never be able to achieve...

Watching your tiny features as you struggled to inhale, your lost expression as you wondered what was happening, your tears of pain and the unknown...I never want to relive that again. I never want to feel so helpless, so unable to protect you and comfort you, so unable to make things right...

Because isn't that what mommy's do? They provide magic kisses, comforting hugs and make the monsters under the bed disappear, but this time...this time there wasn't a damn thing I could do.

Only sit back and watch your beautiful face as you wondered why strangers kept prodding you, why you had to be constantly administered medicine and why some random woman kept placing a mask over your face...

And I wanted so much to hold you, to kiss you, to assure you that everything would be okay...but I couldn't, all I could do was clutch your hands within mine and pray that He would watch over you and keep you safe from harm. And I'll be forever indebted to Him for bringing my baby back to me and making sure we had more time to create memories and build a future together, but even so...

I will never forget the terror of those hours, I will never forget the utter panic and helplessness that coursed through every fibre of my being.

Because, baby...you mean {everything} to me.

*Not really a poem or anything just something that needed to be let out and expressed from when Connor was rushed to hospital a few nights ago.