Sinking Deeply

by Everlasting   Jun 16, 2014


My thoughts of you travelled back and forth
like in a ship from the marines, more like in a cruiser
trying to defend itself
from strange forces detected in its radars,

But too many thoughts traveling in its cargo,
started to sink me slowly towards a bottomless chasm:
the ocean of my conscience,

And even then, I could not think of anything else

But you,

attacking my sense of reason, dismantling
the shields around my heart,
to then bombard with love whatever else was left of me

Sinking me deeply and faster,

without a breath,

With my thoughts of You.

Written by: Lucero L.

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Augastus Black

    Absolutely stunning poem this is.....I sank more deeper then the pacific ocean....while reading this write.

  • 9 years ago

    by Jad

    I like the metaphor you used here to describe how you feel about this person. It had a lot of pleasant imagery, but, at the same time, it seems there is a serious side to all of this as you are trying to discover why you can't stop thinking about about this one person even though you have so much happening in your life. Your emotions are clear and easily felt in your stanzas. The poem flowed well and started powerful in its first stanza and ended in the same tone.

    Also in your last line, I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I think the use of "in" instead of "of" isn't as strong. Both words works for the message and what your trying to convey, but I think if you said "with my thoughts of you" it would be a bit stronger. Just my opinion though, besides your poem still kicks butt. ;]

    All in all, another wonderful piece from you and I can't wait to read more. Great job and keep writing!

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Love does and makes people do crazy things and it will take you along deep into its arms. You sure do have a way of expressing your feelings and at the same time drawing images for the reader to see.

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