Fortune and misfortune

by Saerelune   Aug 7, 2014


One -

we are strangers, reaching over
to grab the day's newspapers -
I roll my eyes at the horoscope,
you laugh at the comics.

Two -

at 8.01 AM, we both miss the train
we ask each other about an alternative
and end up sitting at the cafe -
I silently sip my hot chocolate,
you burn your tongue on black coffee.

Three -

one year later, we are no miracle -
I have given up on horoscopes,
you're studying thermodynamics,
last minute, and we're silent, again.

** written for baby rainbow's club battle

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  • 5 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I love the journey of how you two meet, and how you separate it so simply into three parts. It reminds me of a short story, or an outline of two strangers who had the chance to grow closer yet drifted, maybe because of fate?

    The specific images are light and give this poem character, especially in the beginning. I can sense that you rely on logic more, not believing or engaging in the idea of horoscopes yet still peeking at them out of curiosity, and this person beside you seems lighthearted, like a child searching for the comics first thing.

    The second part is inspiring, and seems something that could happen to anyone... missing the bus, train, car ride, and leads you both to sitting at a cafe. Something unexpected, unplanned.

    I really like how the third part is worded, especially with the idea of you two not being a miracle. Like it would take something supernatural or divine to connect you, because you were so different in personality and character in the beginning. I feel there's a sense of hopelessness here. That before you may have looked at the horoscopes, knowing how silly they are, and now you can't even look at them. And this person has lost that joy, that wonder, dealing with physics and focusing on the sciences of the world. The silence gives such a somber tone. I think earlier, the silence was good as you were both together at the cafe, enjoying company, though you may have not known what to say. And now, it's an uncomfortable silence, nothing to say or elaborate on.

    Profound piece, so much expression in this and I hope you don't mind how I interpreted... it was very easy to imagine this scene and the way you wove the story together.