It used to be the joke of the family,
whenever she'd mistakenly use
a word for something. Like making
the funniest typos: "Don't forget
to leave your Dad's thongs in the car. "
Or when she announced that our
little niece has "finally rid herself
of the chickenfox", and our faces were
blazed in wonder, on why someone would
do away of something as amazing as a
She'd even laugh at herself,
the good sport; her sweet smile glistening
like the first sunrise I've ever seen,
her eyes disappearing
like the first night I escaped to.
How quickly things change.
Now she juggles the words in frustration
trying to remember the directions
to the local food market, or the lyrics
of her favourite song.
She now struggles to understand
why the man with the funny nose
doesn't do the news anymore,
and why the attic is hoarded with
our dusty photo albums.
Last night I heard her cry
in the balcony, trying desperately
to remember my name; to make
me feel loved.
When all she needed to do
was to visit my room,
open her arms
and kiss me
I'm wowed. The flow of it is amazingly wonderful. Choice of words really made me feel connected like I was listening as it was read out loud.
The way is simple and understandable. Wish I could say more about it, but that would rob you of the chances to imagine me smiling as I read it for the fifth time.
This poem is so moving, very touching to read. I read it several times and each time I felt like I was part of this little scene, it was so raw and vivid. I think it feels very personal, realistic, and so easy to imagine the situation as if it was yourself in the shoes of the characters. I liked the very minor details in the opening, just showing the smallest thing this person would do such as the typing errors which made people laugh. I found a very big contrast in the poem from the happy and upbeat message in the first stanza, to the very sad and touching tears at the end of the poem. A very quick turn around by the author which I feel again just highlights how this happens in reality. Well done on this write.
5 years ago
This sweet, personal piece that manages to break the reader's heart in some of the most beautiful ways poetry can. It shows so much love and detail towards the author and her surroundings while also expressing what their sense of family life is. Beautifully put, eloquently vivid, and delicately laced with emotion. Great job of letting us stand in the author's shoes while also looking in from the window.
Great poem, really getting in touch with a topic which most of us can relate to, whether it be through someone we know having dementia, or through fear that it will happen to ourselves, and that we will forget the ones we love, and also who we are!
I liked how you managed to create a character and make your readers feel connected to this character too, like we knew them. It leaves room for interpretation for the reader to have someone in their own mind who could be going through a situation like this.
The whole poem is very good, but there is one line in particular that is not so much overly creative, it is simple, but it stands out and I think is the most important part of your poem....
How quickly things change.
- I think this line is so powerful, and really hits you in the face when you are reading, because it is so true that things can change in the blink of an eye, either to ourselves or someone close to us.
Congrats on the win. You put together a really good piece!