When I said I love you like I love my dog,
I did not understand why you slapped me so hard
and walked briskly away, all upset.
Like I called you a b**ch or something.
Why be so naive?
What I meant was that
I love you without judgment.
That all I need after a hard day's work
is to chug a cocktail of your smile,
like the euphoric welcoming of a
dog's wagging tail, and everything
will be okay.
What I meant was that
I'd like to put you on the leash
of my arms so you can never leave me;
to lock you inside my ribcage
until you get so thirsty
you'd have to crawl towards my spleen
and drink my blood.
It would bring me so much joy
to let you dig through my meaty skin
and gnash at my bones whenever
you are mad:
My left clavicle whenever I forget to
lock the door when I'm away; a finger
for every time I joke about religion
and being gay.
(which is kind of a lot)
I'd even let you lick my face
for hours whenever you're glad.
(and other private areas,
If you know what I mean)
we were walking at the park,
hand in hand, and then I let you loose?
I watched you swim into the sea
of flowers while trying to disguise yourself
with their scent.
It was our own special way
of playing hide and seek; our own little
What I didn't know then was that
you meant to disappear.
I miss the nights when we were fetching each other
songs in the dark: I'd throw you a sweet verse
and you'd bring it back to me a little chewed up.
Nowadays we'd toy with each other's heart:
I'd leave you a bowl of poems and
would come back seeing them wet in piss.
I'd drop chocolates by your side of the bed
and you'd later puke them all out in the toilet
like poison. How can I forget the time I prepared
a romantic dinner for two, only for you
to decorate the living room carpet with poo?
what I'm really trying to say is that...
I'd rather you have rabies and stay,
than watch you find a new lover
after running away.
Okay im going to be very truthful...i laughed when I read this poem...it does have humour..and the metaphor oh lol...well the poem was rather good...for writing and for this being a poem I actually loved the metaphor...but yes, if this was some actual conversation or something...um well the person could feel offended.....
But oh lol I love this poem....
The first paragraph was in itself excellent I feel... :)
And oh lol...when the narrator tells he does not understand why she slapped him hard and walked away....haha...that was awesome....
And oh lol no offence but it confirmed my belief of guys being born jerks and speaking things without thinking...:p.....ive had experienced where guys speak something very very stupid and I slap them and walk away and they never understand what they said...:p
^Aussy, hence, why I felt the need to mention that I was reading this poem as coming from the narrator,( or a narrative of any kind) rather than as if it was something that happened in reality. lol
(Though i'm sure it can happened.)
I like the romance, humor, and the controversy. I think those kind of poems usually make me babble and make me type whatever comes to my mind in the first read. . . unfortunately, when I'm thinking I become too quiet... and my thoughts come off as if they too serious.
I mean, your poem had an effect on me, I couldn't just shackle my fingers to a chair and stop them from typing. I had to type what came to mind at first read. Your poem made question how I would have felt in that situation. It's impossible to not think about that... it's the effect that the controversy created in me.
In terms of reality, ( at least how I would feel) I mean if someone were to compare his love for me or his/her love for a friend's to the love they feel for their dog, I would still have say that it wasn't the best metaphor, however, I would have chuckle.
In terms of the poem and the content, the metaphor it's witty and perfect for the content. lol That's why I nominated it.
Got it. It's just that we as readers don't need to like the narrator to like the poem. Kind of like Jeffrey McDaniel's "The Jerk", the narrator in my poem (from a certain view) is kind of a Jerk as well.
1. Kind of called his beloved a dog/b**ch and wondered why she got upset... (can be an innocent mistake)
2. Would rather put beloved on a leash or in a cage just so she would not leave or get so trapped she'd get thirsty or find hard time living - a destructive relationship (or can be cute and romantic)
3. Joke about religion and being gay... jerk moves/shows a glimpse of character
4. Lick his face and other private areas, shows humor but maybe a sense of perversion
5. fed her (dog) chocolates, which is toxic to dogs - a symbolism that the relationship is killing one or the other (or maybe good intentions but bad consequences)
6. "I'd rather you have rabies... than runaway." - may be viewed as selfish or the brutal truth in loving someone
there's probably more I can't remember but indeed someone can see the narrator as (okay, guilty, it's me!) being an ass. But a very honest one for that matter. :)
Maybe I have a thing for anti-heros or villians. I know not everyone would feel empathy for the narrator, same way most won't like a poem written in the view of a murderer or a rapist... or maybe I exag a bit.
*though here's food for thought: What if these "jerk moves/lines" i noted aren't meant to disrespect the lover, but it's their own personal way of communicating and teasing each other with their affection? Can that change the view of the reader. But of course how can they know that right? So I guess objectively most/some can see the narrator being a jerk, some/most can see the narrator being sweet and simply clueless of his words/actions. It's possible. It's the beauty of perspectives, of poetry. THe poem fits as a whole but the reader has the oppurtunity to take it in his or her own way. Read it for a person, for your own beloved dog, it can fit.
I think comparing her to a dog wasn't the best metaphor in my opinion, it's bound to create misunderstanding or to even offend someone. However, in a way I can understand that you love your dog so much and that it wasn't your intention to hurt her feelings, but woman or in general some or many people, want to be love for who they are without them being compared to anyone. Or at least want the love of their significant other to be more than... And in here, you are comparing the love you feel for her to be as the same love you feel for your dog. Who knows? She might have wanted to hear I love you more than I love my dog? It could have had a different reaction? Specially if she knew how much your dog means to you?
I have to go back and read this one. It's food for the mind. I am actually reading this poem as coming from the narrator... Rather than as if it's something that happened in reality or if it's personal. I'm just babbling right now.
But Dear Luce, it's a poem not to take literally... like Brautigan's poem when he said he was the fish in the pond next to the crying woman, or Billy Collins' machine gun of metaphors in "Litany".
The purpose was to create romance, humor and some controversy. Also for us to realize love has different meanings and each love for a thing, event, creature, human, differs in time and space but the comparison is the only thing that can make us understand their similarities and differences. The other parts of the poem is pretty obvious.
Personally, yet not saying I'm the narrator, I think the metaphor is witty and perfect :)