Forlorn (Tanka)

Congrats on your win, this is such a powerful piece of writing in such few lines.

"Watching grains of sand
as they slip through my fingers--
unfit for building."

^ These three lines are powerful to start the poem out with. And there is so much that can be said about them. The sand is the main part of the poem here and it is unfit for building, but why is that? It draws the readers attention well and makes you think. Did something happen? It is a great metaphor because you feel as the reader that something big is going to happen.

"Who needs castles anyway
in this cold, forsaken land?"

^ Wow these two lines are powerful within themselves. It could be saying that the land and the sand you are talking about here is a land of ruin and rubble. That was my first thought when I read this. Could it be your homeland, or war in general who knows. But I love the use of cold and forsaken here. They work well to explain the meaning behind the poem. They poem seems to be about sadness and the loss of a land and what war can really do. 5/5

Congratulations Ingrid, very glad to see this :)

Congrats Ingrid,

love the last line.
Such a sad ending.

A clever write

Congratulations Ingrid! A well deserved win.
As always, your poetry is excellent and inspiring!
I found this poem so very touching to read, makes us 65 year olds reach out and grab all that life has to offer, rather than sink into a well of despair and unfulfillment!
Not for me, allowing the shadows of darkness and sorrow to creep up on me as I go through my life, but instead, I reach out, and feel further inspired now by your poem Ingrid, as I embark on a new carreer and embrace further challenges ahead!
Let's have more of your wonderful poems Ingrid, I can't wait to see the next one! Go girl, go!

My sub-judge comment:
The poem shouts sour grapes, but that is a shallow interpretation. The building blocks of time, sand trickling down the glass, build a sense of despair - too late, too little left, no hope of sustaining the bulwark of a legacy. This cold forsaken land is the sense of aging, fatalistic morbid drear of the final end. Castles are for the young who still have the capacity to fantasize that life is all there is.