Five years and Four Times

Not that I've ever told you but
* I've been slowly falling apart over the years
Not that I'll ever tell you but
* yesterday at school a tear slipped down my cheek
Not that I'd ever let you hear but
* Last night in our room a sob snuck up my throat
Not that I'll ever show you but
* I have scars running down my arms and hips
Not the I'd ever let you see but
* I placed a blade to my skin once again.
Not that you'd ever feel them but
* I have anxious tremers in my hands and arms
Not like you'd ever notice it but
* Sometimes I disconnect and can't feel anything
Not that I ever do it out loud but
* Everyday...God everyday I scream till my thoat is sore
Not that I'm ready to admit it but...
* I tried to commit suicide again last Friday...

* For the forth time in five years
Dec. 12, 2015