Rosie's Internet date!

by PETER EDWARDS   Jan 19, 2016

Rosie's Internet date!

Now this is a tale of worries and woe
That Keyboard's so tempting?, a path DO NOT GO!
You're mailing to someone you've just met online
Your fingers are having a whale of a time!
You're typing these emails to one you've not met
His words are so thrilling, this man YOU MUST GET!
His email replies, your heart just keeps beating
This man (oh my God!), MUST set up a meeting!
And now you are done for, it's all down to fate
The church bells are ringing, a prospective new mate?

No further ado, you set up a venue
But little you know, it's YOU on the menu!
A place that is crowded?, 'The Company do?'
There's safety in numbers, for him (and for you!)
You mail him a ticket, paint on a 'new face.'
Put on your best outfit, and then take your place......

The meeting has started (the Venue in Slough)
The man on the stage ..."Your attention please now!"
"These business results, they look a bit grim!
We can't have a business, if no money comes in!"
And as he drew breath, his speech all prepared
Was clearing his throat, pushed back his grey hair
There was a loud sound, a 'deafening din'
And something on stumps, appeared to 'slide in!'

When the dust had all settled, just smoke left to clear
A voice bellowed out, "Hi Rosie, I'm here!"
A gasp was emitted as fear gripped the crowd
Who was that loud git, who had shouted out loud?
Then 'twas just like magic, smoke left to reveal
A Dwarf there was standing, my God folk felt ill!
Its face was so ugly, was such a disgrace
Could 'this' be a member of the human race?
Its nose it was pointed, like something from hell
And around the poor creature was a terrible smell!
It turned its hunched back, 'mad look' in its eye
And spat out some flem, straight on some poor guy!
Then clearing its throat, it raised its short fist
"My Rosie, dear Rosie", it said (with a lisp!)

"Hi Rosie, I've made it, I hope you'll agree
The waiting was worth it, worth waiting for me
My sweetheart, my Darling don't hide now from me
Remember those emails you sent my PC?
You'd promised you'd be here, that this was the day
From London I've come now (got pissed on the way!)
So Rosie, dear Rosie your true love is me
I'll make you so happy, you wait now and see!"

By now morbid fear, had set in to all
Some folks had got up, had backs to the wall!
But this 'thing' kept walking, and looking around
Dragging its foot, making a terrible sound!
'Til Rosie, HIS Rosie, he spied on a chair
Wishing to God, that she wasn't there!
"Hi Rosie, my Rosie, I bet you're surprised
I know I'm so handsome, got lovely red eyes!"
And then in an instance, beside her he sat
Wiping some foam from his mouth, that was that!
He'd found his dear Rosie, though she was in fright
She thought she was dreaming, and this was the night!
But then the truth dawned as he reached from his pocket
"A ring for my Rosie, an eye from its socket!"

The shriek that she screamed folk still talk of today
With the Dwarf right behind her as she ran away!
So let this 'ole' rhyme, be a lesson to you
Be sure to SEE FIRST, who you're emailing to
Or else you'll end up with a Dwarf as a friend
Then surely you'll wish that your life it would end!!!!!!


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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by mossgirl19

    Oh my, this is a super crazy, super funny tale! I can relate so much as I have so many friends online and have experience in internet dating back when I was younger. I'm sorry but I enjoyed this so much! Can't stop laughing now! The rhyming was great which totally defined the whole reading experience. Really great job, Sir!

  • 6 years ago

    by Em

    This was bittersweet and we should take heed who we are emailing as it's easy to fall for words.

  • 6 years ago

    by Cindy

    This was so funny and the rhyme was wonderful.
    It pulled me in from beginning to end.
    Excellent job!
    Take care

  • 6 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Peter this is great. The rhythm and rhyme made your War and Peace poem a pleasure to read. It was funny and sweet throughout.

    Well done a well written poem with an important message.

    Take care,


  • 6 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    A lesson indeed, Peter, and one people should heed. It's easy to be a 6ft muscle man with blue eyes and golden hair or a supermodel behind our screens, isn't it? Honesty is always best.....and caution!
    All the best and well done; this raised a smile.

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