I’ve tried to find out where you go, when you present that vacant stare
You smile at me like you are lost, and look around, but no one’s there?
I talk to you and try in vain, to get my loving words all through
But all you do is look past me and talk no sense, what can I do?
Although us two are holding hands, just like we did in times gone by
When we would lay amongst the trees, and swear our Love would never die
And how we’d always be in Love and never leave each other’s side
I feel so cheated, you’re still here, but you have gone, it’s like you lied?
My warm embrace surrounds you still, my Love for you can never die
But anger now invades my grief, that you have left me? I ask ‘Why?’
Dementia, it has took your mind, destroys you more each passing day
I want to try and turn back time, for when you knew me, that I pray
But I must soldier on alone, my grief and torment mine to bear
I must be strong and try to smile, as I live daily with despair
There is no cure for this disease, that has inflicted on your mind
And took away the one I knew, and leaves you empty, so unkind
You were my soulmate in this life, my shadow that was always near
My anchor in this wondrous life, a touchstone that would calm my fear
But now confused and blank you sit, a shell of what you used to be
And me your nurse all night and day, to keep you safe, no life for me
And yet we used to laugh and love, you said you’d love me ‘till you died
But then that thief it robbed your mind, and you were gone, how much I’ve cried!
Just how can God Him be so cruel and leave me lost without my friend?
We thought that we would always ‘be’, that we’d get through right to the end?
I miss you more than words could say, I watch you daily, your demise
Your memories all closing down, I see it all through tear stained eyes
So as I lay upon my bed, I write these words and softly weep
I pray to God that he will come, and take us both whilst we both sleep
Then we can live in His sweet realm, with you restored all back to me
Dementia gone, your old self back, and you’ll be mine… for eternity…
Peter, it is so nice to see your words and face grace these cold quiet walls. Its like hanging a Gustav Klimt painting on a cellar wall - you light it up!
This poem however is sad. I work in sheltered housing and see this decline of a person's character over the days, weeks and months. I can think of a good handful of tenants whose lives have been stripped away, leaving a shell of who they used to be. Many people do not realise that this awful disease caused dementia, depression, hallucinations and much more. It is frustrating for all concerned, as well as upsetting slowly watching your loved one disappear and be replaced with an imposter. Its cruel and I often think it would be kinder to die of cancer; at least with cancer the mind, i.e. the person you love remains whilst their body takes them; with dementia, the mind becomes corrupted and before they fade away, the person you love becomes alien and (sometimes) unlikeable.
Peter, I am so sorry for your loss - I can totally relate to how you would comfort yourself with hoping you will be both free of this and be together, happy once more.
Surely you mean a Rembrandt Mike?! Just joking !! lol
Yes, I remembered that you worked in Sheltered housing, and must see many poor such souls suffering this awful affliction...It truly is a terrible disease, and what you say rings true as I witnessed with my parents, and seeing the other 'inmates' around them when I visited their Care Home.
The staff there (as also you), deserve a medal for the loving care that you afford these poor afflicted souls. Recently, my cousin, same age as me, has been diagnosed. He presently still lives at home with his caring wife, who is now under increasing daily stress trying to cope with a husband that does not know her anymore, and at times, is becoming violent. Not a good situation as it can only get worse.
What causes Dementia, no one really knows, but I am convinced that our western diet, lack of exercise, smoking and excessive drinking, along with daily work stress and deadlines, are certainly factors that are contributing to this 'epidemic' that now befalls so many people, young and old.
My parents died a while ago now, and in my poem, I've tried to reflect the great love that they had for each other despite the onset of this terrible disease. I'm pleased that you liked it.