This poem by Rob, is dark and seductive! A delightful read this week.
Rob has a wonderful flow and rhythm to his rhyme pattern and yet it also has a unique flare to it!
I love how this poem starts off, unraveling secrets and twisted darkness as the poem unfolds... It reminds me of a lost love yearned for, dying from her twisted darkness... the nature tones are just an added uniqueness to this poem..
I really love the ending.... it just brings the tension and sadness home! well done Rob!!
When I set out to judge I don't mean to pick holes. But I feel I need to justify a lower score and my 4 point choice usually takes the brunt. Despite only receiving 4 points this poem was my third pick out of all the nominations. It is a lovely piece of atmospheric story telling.
Very dark and very descriptive.
It is also a comma fest.
It is also grammatically correct. A comma at the end of each line, a capital letter begins each new line.
However I feel it detracts from the poem.
Ironically there is a comma missing in line 4 and line 20. Possibly line 26.
If you are going to use them, then use them all.
Personally I prefer to bin them. (I would probably bin the last line as well.)
So I am scoring this 4 points for the narrative and imagery. 4 points.
3 years ago
You write so well. The rhyme, and imagery keep the flow throughout.
There is a a real mysterious darkness within this piece which keeps me gripped from start to finish.