Comments : Destruction at it's finest

  • 5 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    How true we are the virus that are destroying the world and we are the ones responsible wiping out a bright future for our children.

    Each stanza is well expressed with mind capturing visuals and the message within it tugs at the reader's heart..well penned!

  • 5 years ago

    by hiraeth

    FYI the option doesn't show up when you're posting, but after you post and you click edit poem.

    Great piece you two :)

    • 5 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thank you! :) i knew i had seen it someplace haha!

  • 5 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Ladies,

    A collaboration of two vibrant minds!!!

    Earth poems are one of my favourites. Whether we are celebrating our home, or reminding people what damage we are doing to it.

    Here it is the latter - descriptions of brittle stoic trees beside stagnant streams are vivid. I can imagine an old Oak remembering the stream when it bubbled clear crystal water, full of nourishing life.

    As the poem flows, I find it hard to tell where one style stops and another stars. This is good, as the flow is uninterrupted. *smiles*

    The unique part and my favourite is where hope is added. Now usually, this is by 'man' cleaning up his act. But here it sees 'man' as a parasite, not a sentience being, learning from mistakes. Instead we will travel to another planet and rape its resources. We are indeed a virus!

    One suggestion, if I may:

    Instead of the word 'etching' perhaps, 'gouging' this word is less careful and precise and more damaging and clumsy.

    Well done and take care - both of you!

    Michael

    • 5 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thank you Michael!
      I will check with Brenda, but I'm sure she will be more than happy to edit :)

      I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was lovely working with such a talented person! Brenda's imagery is spot on! she is easy to work with and it just flowed from both of us! It just felt right! :) I look forward to hopefully more collabs in the future with her and many other beautiful minds!

  • 5 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello guys.

    Lovely to see two of my fellow club mates collaborate on such an imaginative nature piece; this is excellent writing so well done to both of you.

    SL

  • 5 years ago

    by Brenda

    Thank you everyone! Working with Naomi was so awesome! I think our biggest craziness was our time zone differences lol! We really had a lot of fun collaborating. Brenda

  • 5 years ago

    by Em

    Ladies, this is a truly beautiful write with so much imagery that devastates the mind because you're right we are the virus killing this earth and we won't stop until everything is completely destroyed, I believe anyway.

    Destruction at its finest
    ^^
    The title could,be interpreted in different ways. I thought maybe a different poem about a building close to your hearts being destroyed then I read on and how fitting the title is.

    Half dead willows, fluttering in the breeze,
    by a dull lifeless stream trickling of stagnant water.
    Creaking branches of old, long lived oak trees,
    branches brittle, ready to snap.
    Flowers long gone, curled and brown.
    The forest, an old dream...
    ^^
    A wonderful, image filled opening that shows us what the title is all about. The descriptives are amazing and very vivid. The words lifeless, old and brittle all show the effects of what we are doing.
    -
    Acid rains weeping down,
    corroding our world, killing our flora,
    infecting our fauna,
    gouging everything it comes in contact with...
    The Earth was never just ours..
    ^^
    Wow, I love this part. Again, wonderful imagery but I do not love how true this is. Everything being destroyed bit by bit.
    -
    Animals dying out,
    some species long gone.
    Now it's too late; yet we still hold hope.
    Hope for a future, on another planet
    that we are destined to destroy.
    For we are the virus....
    ^^
    What a wonderful yet sad and very truthful ending. Yes, we do hold hope but there isn't much left. And we are the virus, a very bad virus.

    Nominated, Em

  • 5 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Excellent poem, so visual and rich and full of meaning. It sends a very strong message well done on a great collaboration. Milly x

    • 5 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks milly. Ill like to do one with you soon? :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Everlasting

    Ah, may be we are the virus?... but I saw somewhere that doctors were using viruses to fight HIV and cancer. I guess viruses can't be that bad after all. However, the poems main focus is that humans are destroying the planet and even if we were able to find a suitable planet to live in, we would still destroy it. Meaning that in the poems content, there's no hope in humanity.

    Great use of words.

    • 5 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thank you for reading / commenting everlasting :)

  • 5 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Great write,

  • 5 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Corrections:

    In the title, "it's" should be "its".

    "Long lived" should be hyphenated, to read "long-lived".

    Other than that, this was a raw write about a very hot topic (hah, get what I did there?) in the news: the destruction of our own planet. You can't exponentially increase production of a harmful chemical on a global scale and not expect it to have negative consequences. We literally are destroying our future ... and what will humans learn from that?

    From your poem, you presume nothing.
    I think the same.

    Naomi and Brenda, you have done a wonderful job painting a moving tale of our present and future. I'd nominate it if I could, but lo and behold I am too late -- as are we in saving our planet.

    5/5
    IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 5 years ago

    by Augustus Black

    This topic must be taken strictly by the government, otherwise the forest will become history; afterall forest is also very very necessary for humans as it helps us in many ways.

    If humans will keep on going like this, then I think the result could be disastrous.

    I think the writer has done a very good job creating a fantastic poem on this topic. No problems with the writing style.

    Humans are not destroying only the forests but also a beautiful domains.

    Well done.

  • 5 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    I'm sorry guys this piece skipped my eye. ... anyway this nature poem is a must read poem. ..delicately written by 2 talented poet.... Well done guys

    Gel

  • 5 years ago

    by Jenn

    I gotta say I'm not into Nature poems, but I really liked this!
    The ending

    "Animals dying out,
    some species long gone.
    Now it's too late; yet we still hold hope.
    Hope for a future, on another planet
    that we are destined to destroy.
    For we are the virus...."

    is such a true statement, really creatively penned. Though I agree with it, I never would have come up with that metaphor!
    "For we are the virus...."

    5. Jenn