I liked this very much and actually the repetition didnt annoy me. For me I have found that repetition works very well when used with shorter lines. (But as in all pieces of art people have different preferences) . I think it's punchy and offers up valuable advice. One of your best more recent pieces. Milly x
thank you milly i recently found my want to write again and hope i can keep at this
2 years ago
While I truly enjoy the concept of this piece and how much voice and personality you were able to pack into such a short thing, I do have some criticism.
The first two stanzas should not both start with time is time is, if you wanted to give that more power you should have separated them a little more so that the repetition gained more oomph and intention. Also, the lack of punctuation and capitalization thing- while that is totally stylistic and up to you (believe me, I'm all for it) it did make this piece feel as though it was missing something. Like a gumbo or soup that has meat and veggies but no spices at all. (I hope that makes sense.)
I'd love to read more of your work when I have a little more time, but I think you definitely have a knack for this!