Apricot Nation

I don't recall
the first time I knew him.

Maybe he was
the size of the apricot I ate
before Mom said
it was infested with maggots,
and that next time I wanted
to have this fruit in particular,
I had to examine it closer.
Of course, there was no next time.
I just took the easier path;
I quit eating apricots.

Or maybe he was the black cat
that leapt once out of the blue
and landed with a grimace
right before me.
It made me believe to this day
that black cats are bad luck
and should be avoided.

Afterwards, he started to take
several other shapes.
Because of their randomness,
I could no longer recognize him.

Sometimes I see him
peeking through eyeballs;
at times, trying to escape lips.
I even saw him once
dangling from the ceiling -
a rope of flames approaching my neck
and strangling it.
If I'm not mistaken,
I saw the rope tied
to the hands of... God.

Truth is, I wish I could recall
any detail about his origins.
The only thing I am sure of
is that he never stopped growing.
He grew by my side
and right within me.
He dined in my plate
and at my table,
then all at once became the plate
and the table.

Sometimes I see him
treading beneath my skin
and I couldn't stop him.
Then all sorts of crazy thoughts
start roaming in my head.
Like cutting through my skin
until he seeps out
with the last drop of blood.
There is also no problem at all
if he returns a black cat,
or finds its way again to an apricot.

Truth is, it's hard to know
which one of us contains the other.
Which one came to this world
before the other.

What is it that I am speaking of?

Fear.

The only living object that transcended us
and became the size of a nation.