Pay Off (syntuit)

This is a powerful yet humorous piece Larry in my humble opinion.

A great take on weight loss, Larry. Normally, it's the cliched trousers (or pants as you guys call them) that get the attention and end up being tightened up, but I had never really thought of it in terms of ties!
Pay off indeed.

Take care and all the best as ever,

Ben

This poem really gives the reader a good feeling for the character that is speaking. The poem seems to be about you as the voice speaks that way.

Title- Without reading the poem itself, I really like the title you have chosen because it tells me that something goof has finally happened to you and it seems to have been a long time coming. You were working at something and it finally has paid off for the good. The poem should state exactly what that thing is. so I am curious to see what it is.

Line one-This is an interesting first line because it is just one word. But I think it works here because it does what a first line needs to do in a 3 line poem, and that is be a set up for the rest of the poem. It's like the start of a story in a way. Anyway- It kind of goes with the title in a way because the reader wants to know what you realized and you will be taking them on a journey with you.

Line two- This is the plot of the whole poem in my opinion, because this is what everything is leading up to. How much weight you have lost is the pay off it seems. and it makes a lot of sense because it takes a lot of effort and time to lose weight and in the end it is totally worth it.

Line Three- I do love how this poem is just one big sentence because it makes the flow easier to read. But I like this line because I don't think we notice something until we use something/wear something everyday. I do like the tie because with weight our clothes are the first thing we notice. I do also think you wear ties everyday or a lot of times per week, so that is something you would notice.

I personally don't see anything wrong with the poem at all, because all the lines match up syllable wise and in general it tells a great story and doesn't go off the flow. well done.