A Tree in Winter

by Maple Tree   Nov 26, 2018


Pocketed acorns rattle
within clothing hung
from a skeletal tree.

Hang upon my spine
like a weighted root
snowflakes match the
color of my lips.

Devoured within emotion
like a soft winter breeze
that freezes tears at zero below.

4


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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Brenda

    Andrea, I love this. Somehow I feel this was written with Robyn in mind. Robyn's body, your heart, heavy like when wet snow cakes a tree, cold enough to freeze your tears when the winds blow. Hugs my friend-

    • 5 years ago

      by Maple Tree

      awwwwwwww Brenda, you know my writing well... yes its about Bird and I- heavy hearts right now... hugs you

  • 5 years ago

    by D.

    I find some contradiction in the language here, which makes it difficult to follow. ‘Rattle’, ‘hang’ x2, and ‘soft breeze’, I feel don’t connect visually, especially since I think the repetition of ‘hang’ conveys a still image, and rattle, I imagine a walking movement? I would always prefer variation in the verb choice too.

    Criticism aside, you have written a lovely piece. Most of the language here is well chosen and effective. ‘Weighted root’ is a great simile, and the whole second stanza in general is wonderfully crafted.

    I feel some punctuation would add to the flow in the second stanza though, as I had to read it a couple of times just to feel the poem.

    The image of a winters tree is always evocative, and this is no different. A very nice write. :)

    • 5 years ago

      by Maple Tree

      Danny, thank you for your awesome critic! I really love your opinion, thoughts and Ideas- Truly a joy to read, again thank you!

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